Sam Vaknin’s Instagram Epigrams (archive only)

Narcissism with Vaknin on Instagram (active account)

 

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Negative identity (in contradistinction to others): rejecting – including self-rejection - as MO.

Self-rejection owing to autoplastic defenses and self-loathing.

External locus of control: life out of control

Bad object introjection leads to: estrangement, catastrophizing, OCD rituals, addiction.

Focus on goal rather than process (life) is compensatory and constitutes self-rejection (I am not a bad object).

Some narcissists drop everything, decathect, especially in anomic, narcissistic societies where confusion reigns.

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In life we are but dreams, in death we are but memories.

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When you wake the morning

red headed children shimmer in your eyes.

The veinous map

of sun drenched eyelids

flutters

throbbing topography.

Your muscles ripple.

Scared animals burrow

under your dewey skin.

Frozen light sculptures

where wrinkles dwell.

Embroidered shades,

in thick-maned tapestry.

Your lips depart in scarlet,

flesh to withering flesh,

and breath in curved tranquility

escapes the flaring nostrils.

Your warmth invades my sweat,

your lips leave skin regards

on my humidity.

Eyelashes clash.

( From “
Poetry of Healing and Abusehttp://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/contents.html )

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Anger is a primitive, limbic emotion. Its excitatory components and patterns are shared with sexual excitation and with fear. It is cognition that guides our behavior, aimed at avoiding harm and aversion or at minimizing them.

Our cognition is in charge of attaining certain kinds of mental gratification. An analysis of future values of the relief-gratification versus repercussions (reward to risk) ratio – can be obtained only through cognitive tools. Anger is provoked by aversive treatment, deliberately or unintentionally inflicted.

Such treatment must violate either prevailing conventions regarding social interactions or some otherwise deeply ingrained sense of what is fair and what is just. The judgment of fairness or justice (namely, the appraisal of the extent of compliance with conventions of social exchange) – is also cognitive.

The angry person and the personality disordered both suffer from a cognitive deficit. They are unable to conceptualize, to design effective strategies and to execute them. They dedicate all their attention to the immediate and ignore the future consequences of their actions.

In other words, their attention and information processing faculties are distorted, skewed in favor of the here and now, biased on both the intake and the output. Time is "relativistically dilated" – the present feels more protracted, "longer" than any future. Immediate facts and actions are judged more relevant and weighted more heavily than any remote aversive conditions. Anger impairs cognition.

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With the right person, routine is way more exciting than any adventure.

Exotic trips are often an escape from life. But nothing is more exotic than life itself.

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BPD is an extreme form of complex trauma (CPTSD) which involves self-soothing behaviors, repetition compulsions, dysfunctional attachment, dissociative self-states, arrested development and infantile defenses (regressive infantilism and splitting), cognitive distortions, emotional-affective dysregulation, decompensation and acting out. The BPD's secondary psychopathy vs. covert narcissism.

The erroneous foundations of contemporary psychology: self, personality, individual should be replaced with seamlessly fluid self-states. Man is a river, not a lake.

Emotional dysregulation (and inappropriate or reduced affect) result in impaired internal reality testing and empathy deficits. In reappraisal and exposure therapies we use cognition to modify emotions.

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I just found out that, according to marriedwiki.com I am worth 3 million USD. Dead wrong.

I also have 2 children with my current wife 
@reframingtheself (Lidija Rangelovska) states this “credible” source. The truth? 0 offspring. I am childless.

I have no extramarital lovers, claims the all-knowing website and my previous “engagement in a private ceremony” to a “mysterious lady” was annulled in 2000.

Other net worth services online estimate my lucre at anywhere between 57,000 and 8,000,000 USD. I admit that it is somewhere in between and nowhere near either number.

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This is my natal chart. Other astrology websites offer other versions of my natal chart..

All humans believe in the existence of connections or relationships between things (apophenia, pareidolia).

This belief in some order (permanent relations between separate physical or abstract entities) permeates both Science and Superstition.

Science limits itself: only certain entities inter-relate within well defined conceptual frames (called theories). Not everything has the potential to connect to everything else. Entities are discriminated, differentiated, classified and assimilated in worldviews in accordance with the types of connections that they forge with each other.

Moreover, Science believes that it has a set of very effective tools to diagnose, distinguish, observe and describe these relationships. It proves its point by issuing highly accurate predictions based on the relationships discerned through the use of said tools. Science (mostly) claims that these connections are "true" in the sense that they are certain and real - not probable.

The cycle of formulation, prediction and falsification (or proof) is the core of the human scientific activity. Alleged connections that cannot be captured in these nets of reasoning are cast out either as "hypothetical" or as "false". In other words: Science accepts only relations between entities which have been established and tested using the scientific apparatus and arsenal of tools". This, admittedly, is a very cyclical argument, as close to tautology as it gets.

Superstition is a much simpler matter: everything is connected to everything in ways unbeknown to us. We can only witness the results of these subterranean currents and deduce their existence from the observable flotsam. The planets influence our lives, dry coffee sediments contain information about the future, black cats portend disasters, certain dates are propitious, certain numbers are to be avoided. But the fact that we - limited as we are - cannot learn about a hidden connection - should not imply that it does not exist.

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Watch parts 2 and 3 of the seminar on my YouTube channel.

Lovebombing, grooming, and honeymoon (Dual Mothering)

Idealization and Introjection (snapshooting)

Devaluation, Discard, and Separation-Individuation

Replacement and Repetition-Compulsion

Coping strategies when in a relationship with a narcissist

The aftermath: ridding yourself of the narcissist's voice (introject)

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When your work makes it to a t-shirt, you know you have arrived.

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The codependent needs to be needed (L. Rangelovska @reframingtheself ) and the narcissist is needy (an addict). The codependent needs to feel safe by controlling the narcissist's godlike False Self.

The relationships between narcissists, codependents, and borderlines involve splitting, dysregulation, acting out, an external locus of control (no autonomy or agency, no independence or self-efficacy, separation dynamics and insecure attachment), and anxiety reducing behaviors.

The narcissist regards the Borderline as an enigma, a challenge, walking on eggshells makes him feel alive (a form of self-harming). Their mutual intermittent reinforcement (approach-avoidance) is play for power and control. Both externally regulate: a sense of self-worth (narcissist) or moods, affects, and emotions (borderline).

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Can pathological narcissism be cured, reversed, or modified? The last of 3 dialogs with @zukowska.daria

Watch 12 Treatments for Narcissists, Other Cluster B Personality Disorders (Borderlines, Psychopaths).

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The narcissist regards attending individual or couples therapy, however reluctantly, to be a major concession on his part. He demands reciprocity: you have accede to his demands the way he had catered to yours.

Additionally, the narcissist weaponizes every insight gained in therapy to cast himself as the righteous and hapless victim of a heartless, obtuse, negativistic, or outright malevolent partner.

He attempts to use this newly acquired knowledge and vocabulary to manipulate his intimate partners, past and present and blackmail them emotionally.

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Self-splitting: princess/Madonna vs. whore

Freud Father Complex (Oedipus and Electra complexes)

Studies: correlation with promiscuity and sexual recklessness in women. In men: lack of a male role model, feelings of inadequacy such as a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and a quest in adulthood to find father substitutes.

What are people with daddy issues looking for?

WOMEN: care, protection, approval, acceptance, understanding, support, validation, adoration, attention, worship, reality testing, unconditional love.

MEN: pampering, safety, regulation of sense of self-worth (grandiosity), unconditional love.

Both genders: “dead” father affects socialization and anxiety regulation, “dead” mother no separation-individuation. Or: extremely close, perhaps even disproportionately close, relationship with their fathers or mothers.

Etiology: Unhealthy Close Bonds , Sexual Abuse , Absentee Dads
Core beliefs about their worth, ability to trust others and feel in control of one’s actions.

Repetition compulsions: approach-avoidance, abuse.

Insecure attachment styles and, according to Bianca Rodriguez, impaired intimacy template (intimacy cloud).

Amy Rollo, psychotherapist and owner of Heights Family Counseling in Houston, Texas:

• being anxious when you aren’t with your partner
• needing lots of reassurance that the relationship is OK
• seeing any negativity as a sign that the relationship is doomed

Passive or victim position in skewed power matrix

Possessiveness, suspiciousness, jealousy, control

Separation insecurity leads to clinging, coercion, triangulation, emotional blackmail

Drama as way to avoid loneliness, facing oneself, and a kind of self-harming and self-trashing

 

LITERATURE

 

DelPriore DJ, Hill SE. The effects of paternal disengagement on women’s sexual decision making: An experimental approach. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2013;105(2):234-246.

 

Inniss D. Emerging from the Daddy Issue: A Phenomenological Study of the Impact of the Lived Experiences of Men Who Experienced Fatherlessness on Their Approach to Fathering Sons. [dissertation]. Philadeliphia: Drexel University, 2013

 

Yoon S, Bellamy JL, Kim W, Yoon D. Father Involvement and Behavior Problems among Preadolescents at Risk of Maltreatment. J Child Fam Stud. 2018;27(2):494-504.

 

Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3

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Procrastination is either because you hate your job (and wish to lose it) - or because you love your job (and wish to be perfect at it).

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Porn-fuelled casual sex is now the dominant sexual script in all age groups, among men and women. The only alternative is celibacy.

This decoupling of sex from intimacy in relationships also resulted in performative sex: a tsunami of
self-porn and group sex.

Nudity and sex, including masturbation on camera, sexting, and camming became accepted forms of performance art. Sex has transitioned from the private sphere to the public domain.

Bereft of its most potent and meaningful manifestation and mode of expression, intimacy is withering.

Half of adults are lifelong singles. At least one quarter of long-term committed relationships are sexless. About half of women and two third of men had cheated on their partner at least once. People are breaking up more frequently and are having more pseudo-liaisons in short-term dyads.

Marriage rates are down 50% since 1990; dating crashed by 60% since 1998, despite the proliferation of dating apps; and both the frequency of sexual activity and the number of partners are down by a third among people under age 25.

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Grandiose, unscrupulous, and unethical therapists cater to the mentally ill and disabled person’s most ardent and fervent wish: to be normal. It is like a medical doctor promising a quadriplegic that she would be able to run again.

Truth is: the mentally ill should be sequestered and discouraged from seeking normalcy. They should not have relationships, get married, bear children, have families, gain access to certain institutions.

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Self-love: (self-awareness also of one’s limitations, self-acceptance + self-trust + self-efficacy)

+boundaries

+self-regulation

=mental health.

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What constitutes normal behavior? Who is normal?

There is the statistical response: the average and the common are normal. But it is unsatisfactory and incomplete. Conforming to social edicts and mores does not guarantee normalcy. Think about anomic societies and periods of history such as Hitler's Germany or Stalin's Russia. Model citizens in these hellish environments were the criminal and the sadist.

Rather than look to the outside for a clear definition, many mental health professionals ask: is the patient functioning and happy (ego-syntonic)? If he or she is both then all is well and normal. Abnormal traits, behaviors, and personalities are, therefore defined as those traits, behaviors, and personalities that are dysfunctional and cause subjective distress.

But, of course, this falls flat on its face at the slightest scrutiny. Many evidently mentally ill people are rather happy and reasonably functional.

Some scholars reject the concept of "normalcy" altogether. The anti-psychiatry movement object to the medicalization and pathologization of whole swathes of human conduct. Others prefer to study the disorders themselves rather to "go metaphysical" by trying to distinguish them from an imaginary and ideal state of being "mentally healthy".

I subscribe to the later approach. I much prefer to delve into the phenomenology of mental health disorders: their traits, characteristics, and impact on others.

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On my birthday@bdeaihe_art painted this for me. Thank you, Diana and thank you all for your kind wishes. I am truly touched and honored!

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Binary narcissism involves an overt structure and a covert one jostling for supremacy. Watch my videos on this much neglected topic.

One outcome of this sempiternal civil war is
self-mortification. The binary narcissist maintains an internal “public” or “audience” (the aforementioned structures) and so experiences humiliating and shaming narcissistic injuries as mortifications.

This escalatory mechanism is the main reason for the brittleness of the binary narcissist: his False Self is disabled so often that he is unable to collapse and transition smoothly and seamlessly from one type to another. He remains stuck in a purgatory limbo, as it were.

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I will be visiting Romania between April 30 and May 12: in Drobeta-Turnu Severin until May 8 and in Bucharest until May 12 (including on May 12).

If you want to organize a lecture or a Q&A session, please do - I will gladly provide it free of charge.

DM me on Instagram or write to:
samvaknin@gmail.com

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Don't stay in an abusive relationship just because: you or your family love your partner your in-laws or your mutual friends, emotional blackmail, to avoid failure, thinking you won’t find someone better, your partner is apologizing and making promises, you accept that you not worthy of love (gaslighting), because you’ve been together for a long time (sunk cost fallacy), Because you hate dating or having to move, to maintain stability, your partner is a great catch, for money or the house, for the kids or pets, because you’re scared of the future (catastrophizing), have false hope (magical thinking), you are too old, to avoid regretting it, to share the burden or chores, you feel guilty, terrified of being lonely and alone for the rest of your life, because of what other people might think, you are nostalgic for the good old days, or the sex is awesome.

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YouTube is forcibly placing ads on my videos against my explicit settings. Furthermore: they refuse to share any resulting income with me. Please write to samvaknin@gmail.com to report to me any advertising on my videos.

For well over 13 years, I declined to place ads on my videos. I gave up on hundreds of thousands of US dollars in revenue.

YouTube penalized me by removing my channel from its recommendations algorithm (“shadowbanning”).

Now, in an act of corporate bullying, YouTube is hijacking my account to further bolster its bulging bottom line.

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There is jealousy, there is envy, and then there is the Salieri effect.

Jealousy is about wanting to emulate someone and become like them. It motivates the jealous to study, hard work, and investment.

Envy is about eliminating a source of frustration, pulling him down to your level, reducing her to size. It is destructive and sometimes self-defeating.

The Salieri effect combines envy with a grievance, a gnawing sense of injustice. It results in aggression, rumination, or negativistic behaviors.

In the counterfactual movie “Amadeus”, Salieri cannot fathom why God had bestowed upon the infantile and undisciplined Mozart the gift of sublime music and denied it to him, hard working, conscientious and diligent as he is.

This sense of injustice drives him to assassinate Mozart and descend into madness.

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First I make it onto t-shirts and now I am plastered on the back window of a car parked in Australia.

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Production of goods and services and the manipulation of symbols should be decoupled if we want to avoid mass psychosis and the degeneration of capitalism into neo-feudalism.

Interview with Maria Morais of Circklo
http://www.circklo.com

 

Circklo write: “One of the most illustrious and inquisitive minds of our century - Professor Sam Vaknin - argues that 'there is no real commitment in business to anything outside business' and that, when businesses claim otherwise, it is a simple public relations exercise.

Watch what he said below and do share your thoughts with us!”

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The resurrection story is a good model to build on: we can all start all over again (and make something of our lives), no matter how severe the trauma is.

Jesus' mother, Mary, was a virgin before it gave birth to him - and remained a virgin in perpetuity. This is the official (Catholic) doctrine.

But Jesus had siblings.

St. Paul wrote (Galatians 1:18-19):

'Then after three years I went up to Jerusalem to see Peter, and abode with him fifteen days. But of the other apostles saw I none save James the Lord's brother."

This very same James is also the son of one, Alpheus! All the brothers of Jesus are the sons of this Alpheus whose wife's name was ... Mary!

Matthew 1:25:

"And he [Joseph] knew her [Mary] not until she had brought forth her first-born son..."

First-born meaning there were others who followed (second-born, third-born, etc.)

Matthew 13:55-56:

"Is this not the carpenter's son? Is not his mother called Mary? And his brethren, James and Joses and Simon and Judas? And his sisters, are they not all with us?"

Mark 6:3 (referring to Jesus):

"Is this not the carpenter, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Judas, and Simon? And are not his sisters here with us?"

According to both Matthew and Mark, three women stood by the cross at the crucifixion: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and of Joses, and the mother of Zebedee's children (Salome). Salome was Virgin Mary's sister and, therefore, Jesus' maternal aunt.

John (an eyewitness to the events) identifies Mary as Jesus' mother - but distinguishes her from Mary, wife of Alpheus and two other women (for a total of four women rather than three):

John 19:25:

"Now there stood by the cross of Jesus (1) his mother, and (2) his mother's sister, (3) Mary the wife of Cleophas [Alpheus], and (4) Mary Magdalene."

Mary, wife of Alpheus, could not have been the sister of the Virgin Mary, as the Church would have us believe. In Jewish families, two sisters cannot share the same name.

John implies that Mary, mother of Jesus was not the wife of Alpheus, father of James and Joses, and Judas, and Simon, who are identified as the brothers of Jesus by all the other gospels!

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Gaslighters use deja vu, jamais vu, and entraining via semantic satiation to take over you mind and compromise your reality testing. Here is how to fight back.

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Pathological narcissism is an organizing and explanatory principle on multiple levels: the individual, interpersonal relationships, and society. It comprises a post-traumatic condition, an addiction (to narcissistic supply), myriad cognitive distortions (such as grandiosity), and severe deficits in intimacy, self-regulation, and empathy.

But narcissism is also a positive adaptation in today’s increasingly more dysfunctional civilization. Narcissistic traits and behaviors are elevated and glamorized, resulting in enhanced self-efficacy.

Narcissism is being normalized. It permeates every institution and discourse, every relationship and interaction, and every attempt to make sense of the world. Increasingly, people conform to expectations, rendering themselves increasingly more narcissistic in order to fit it, prevail, and thrive.

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International conference on psychology in Romania. My lecture topics:

Day 1:
From self and individual to self-states and relationships: the coming revolution in personality psychology.

Day 2:
Cluster B in children and adolescents.

Day 3: workshop for students:
Who is normal? Mental health and mental illness. Was so touched to talk to high school students!

 

Day 4: Workshop for parents: What is Good Enough Parenting?

 

One of the wonders of the fairy tale historical city, Turnu Severin in Romania.

 

Preparing for my 3 lectures in the Cultural Palace and, later, in the former Water Tower (now a fascinating museum).


Interview to Tele2, a regional TV station regarding my 3 forthcoming workshops.

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Questions and answers session in Bratislava, organized by @ffmedym in the legendary Next Apache bar.

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Parenting is possibly an irrational vocation, but humanity keeps breeding and procreating. It may well be the call of nature. All living species reproduce and most of them parent. Is maternity (and paternity) proof that, beneath the ephemeral veneer of civilization, we are still merely a kind of beast, subject to the impulses and hard-wired behavior that permeate the rest of the animal kingdom?

In his seminal tome, "The Selfish Gene", Richard Dawkins suggested that we copulate in order to preserve our genetic material by embedding it in the future gene pool. Survival itself - whether in the form of DNA, or, on a higher-level, as a species - determines our parenting instinct. Breeding and nurturing the young are mere safe conduct mechanisms, handing the precious cargo of genetics down generations of "organic containers".

Yet, surely, to ignore the epistemological and emotional realities of parenthood is misleadingly reductionistic. Moreover, Dawkins commits the scientific faux-pas of teleology. Nature has no purpose "in mind", mainly because it has no mind. Things simply are, period. That genes end up being forwarded in time does not entail that Nature (or, for that matter, "God") planned it this way. Arguments from design have long - and convincingly - been refuted by countless philosophers.

Still, human beings do act intentionally. Back to square one: why bring children to the world and burden ourselves with decades of commitment to perfect strangers?

Continued here:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/parent.html

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The hitherto undiscovered genius artist @bdeaihe_art at work.

The function of bridging the gap between our idiosyncratic, private languages and a more universal one was relegated to a group of special individuals called artists.

Theirs is the job to experience (mostly emotions) and to mould their experience into the grammar, syntax and vocabulary of a universal language in order to communicate to us the echo of their idiosyncratic language.

They are forever mediating between us and their experience. Rightly so, the quality of an artist is measured by his ability to loyally represent his unique language to us.

The smaller the distance between the original experience (the emotion of the artist) and its external representation, the more prominent the artist.

We declare artistic success when the universally communicable representation succeeds at recreating and evoking in us the original emotion (felt by the artist).

It is very much like teleportation which allows, in sci-fi yarns, for the decomposition of the astronaut's body in one spot and its recreation, atom for atom in another.

Even if the artist fails to faithfully recreate his inner world, but succeeds in calling forth any kind of emotional response in his viewers/readers/listeners, he is deemed successful.

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A person is held not responsible for his criminal actions if s/he cannot tell right from wrong ("lacks substantial capacity either to appreciate the criminality (wrongfulness) of his conduct" - diminished capacity), did not intend to act the way he did (absent "mens rea") and/or could not control his behavior ("irresistible impulse"). These handicaps are often associated with "mental disease or defect" or "mental retardation".

Mental health professionals prefer to talk about an impairment of a "person's perception or understanding of reality". They hold a "guilty but mentally ill" verdict to be contradiction in terms. All "mentally-ill" people operate within a (usually coherent) worldview, with consistent internal logic, and rules of right and wrong (ethics). Yet, these rarely conform to the way most people perceive the world. The mentally-ill, therefore, cannot be guilty because s/he has a tenuous grasp on reality.

Yet, experience teaches us that a criminal maybe mentally ill even as s/he maintains a perfect reality test and thus is held criminally responsible (Jeffrey Dahmer comes to mind). The "perception and understanding of reality", in other words, can and does co-exist even with the severest forms of mental illness.

This makes it even more difficult to comprehend what is meant by "mental disease". If some mentally ill maintain a grasp on reality, know right from wrong, can anticipate the outcomes of their actions, are not subject to irresistible impulses (the official position of the American Psychiatric Association) - in what way do they differ from us, "normal" folks?

This is why the insanity defense often sits ill with mental health pathologies deemed socially "acceptable" and "normal" - such as religion or love.

Continued here:
https://samvak.tripod.com/insanitydefense.html

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Psychopath: If I pee here, all this will become mine.

Narcissist: If all this becomes mine, I will pee here.

Borderline: If all this becomes mine, I will pee everywhere.

Schizoid: I will never pee again if all this becomes mine.

Paranoid: Someone must have peed here before or else they would not have let all this become mine.

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Ironically and counterintuitively, people with anxiety disorders take risks, seek novelty, and act recklessly in desperate attempts to drown their inner tumult.

Self-harming and self-trashing involve these proclivities. They serve a dual function: anxiolytic/antidepressant and stimulant.

When she imperils and hurts herself, the patient feels maximally alive and awakened even as she forgets her woes and painful emotions and memories.

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Is the Metaverse the ultimate dystopia, an escape from reality, or the promised technological heaven?

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Narcissistic Abuse is not your fault. There is nothing you can do about it. It is the outcome of internal dynamics in the narcissist's psyche.

Read "
Hurt People hurt People" By Luke Elijah on Wellness Insider.

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Success in business (and in general) requires equal measures of stupidity and mental health pathologies.

Intellectually inferior folks are more attuned to the needs of a civilization comprised mostly of brain-addled or mentally unwell consumers. They are able to respond in kind and communicate efficaciously with the teeming, braindead masses.

Moreover: the stupid are incapable of evaluating risks properly. They plunge ahead with audacity and defiance.

Sometimes, this unthinking thrust endows successful operators with a first mover advantage, creates network effects, and corners the market.

Prosperous entrepreneurs often exhibit impaired reality testing, magical thinking, and splitting.

They shape reality to fit their omnipotent fantasies rather than gauge it properly. Their dichotomous thinking reduces the world to Pavlovian costs vs. rewards, useful vs. useless, and with me vs. foes.

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There are 2 keys to success. Use them and you will become richer than Elon Musk. Money back guarantee!

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Vaknin's message to the young: reality sucks, you are on your own, you are not as special as you would like to believe. So: get on with life!

 

Good enough parents can become "dead", bad parents by falling into a series of traps and wrong behaviors.

 

Excerpt from the lecture (now available on YouTube) courtesy @umushoma

 

Cluster B personality disorders can be diagnosed in childhood and adolescence. Conduct disorder is the precursor to psychopathy and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be safely diagnosed in early puberty. Not so Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).


The concepts of "self", "individual", and "personality" are misleading and counterfactual. You are the sum of your relationships with others (object relations). You have self-states which are reactive to your changing environment.

Drobeta-Turnu Severin: undiscovered gem.

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It is crucial that you learn everything about the personal and sexual history of your intimate partner. Absolutely insist on full disclosure – but never judge.

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Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift are the most recent recipients of honorary doctorates from universities.

They were preceded by lightweights like Sigmund Freud, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, and Nelson Mandela.

Need I say more about the
state of the world today?

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The “stalled revolution” means that when it comes to sexual mores, marriage, relationships, and family, men remain stuck in a Victorian England mindset while women have progressed into a feminist 21st century.

Confronted with this abyss, women face a stark choice:

1. They can give up on men altogether and go it alone while assuming masculine traits and roles; or

2. They can regress and subject themselves to male dominance and objectification in raunch culture and in supposedly "intimate" relationships.

There is no other alternative. Men won’t budge. Men are fighting back (MGTOW, incels, one third of all men are celibate or lifelong singles).

As things stand now, most men are merely taking advantage of women’s newfangled sex positivity and then walk away from casual sex, unscathed.

Women are paying the price of this male sexual opportunism in terms of heartbreak, bad sex, childlessness, loneliness, and career or financial damage.

It’s a war that men seem to be winning big time. Even as they make strides in the real world, when it comes to intimate relationships, women are more abused and disempowered than ever. And men just joyfully roam around, humping dozens of throwaway women in the promiscuous Disneyland of post-modernity.


Painting by 
@bdeaihe_art

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“Upgraded Worldview Certificate UN Goals awarded to Sam Vaknin for answering 100% correct on questions related to the UN goals and thereby proving essential knowledge that most people are wrong about.”

About time! LOL

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Men are saying: Women! You are too independent! I am terrified that you will no longer tolerate my abuse and my infantilism, you will decline to serve me, you abandon me and I will lose you.

You are too well-educated. I feel inferior, inadequate, and outcompeted in the workplace.

You sleep around with strangers and friends alike. It makes me feel like a statistic, a number, a mere conquest, objectified, not special, insecure, and unsafe.

In short: you are too much like the men of yore!

Ask any man:
women went too far. Too far not in terms of rights or equal pay (US Soccer Federation).

But in terms of militancy (zero sum game, men as the enemy);

aggressiveness (reactance, defiance, in your face);

usurpation of masculine traits, behaviors, norms, and roles;

and raunch culture (gratuitous, “empowering” promiscuity).

Men are hitting back:

Domestic violence laws repealed in Russia

Women confined to home under a male guardian in Afghanistan

Roe vs. Wade right to abortion repealed in the USA

Toxic masculinity (MGTOW, incels, redpillers, dating coaches).

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The art of @bdeaihe_art is multilayered and suffused with allusions to literature, mythology, and religion. But it is never stuffy: humorous levity combine with profundity in perfect harmony.

Consider this
painting of hers:

In this painting, Nature itself is in turmoil: the sun is eclipsed, fish fly overhead, the ocean merges with the sky. Surrealistic.

The angel-like boy is more Indian than Judeo-Christian: he has many arms.

Some of his hands hold symbols of death and war (and love!): bow and arrow. Other hands play the violin - music is life.

The boy is anointing the female figure, the same way David, Jesus, and others in the Bible were anointed, riding a donkey.

The girl is in love (the heart locket) but (her forehead is) wounded.

She is melancholy, almost lifeless.

But she is armed for battle and wearing winged sandals: the gods’s gift to Perseus who slayed medusa.

Fish symbolize Jesus and early Christianity. He and his disciples were “fishing for the souls of men”.

The two-headed dog is a guardian of hell, but in this painting, one head points to the past and one is looking forward (like Janus).

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Mentally ill women turn me off because of their extreme unboundaried, compulsive, non-agentic, non-autonomous, pervasive, debilitating, and impulsive weakness (self-trashing, including sexually). It makes me feel unsafe (high potential for inadvertent cheating or recklessness) and contemptuous.

I cannot idealize mentally ill women or embark on a shared fantasy with them.

The indiscriminate “love” of mentally ill women is fake, short-lived and centred on their dysregulated and labile needs.

The men in their lives are rapidfire interchangeable, making it impossible for me to feel special.

To a mentally ill woman, I am merely the latest, not chosen for who I really am, possibly a mark. She doesn’t see or want ME - only what I can do for her, psychologically or financially.

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666 reviews of my pioneering work (first online 1997, first print edition 1999), “Malignant Self-love:Narcissism Revisited”.

666. The number of the Beast. Hmmmm… I wonder who is the REAL author!

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Always tell the truth about yourself to a potential intimate partner. Be honest.

Better to be rejected for who you ARE - then to be wanted for who you are NOT.

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Collapsed narcissist fails to secure narcissistic supply or even self-supply and they lose all their Pathological Narcissistic Spaces. Narcissists then switch from one type to another (type inconstancy: cerebral-somatic and overt-covert) as a means to secure supply. When type reversion fails, it leads to narcissistic mortification, grandiosity bubbles, decompensation, and Borderline-like personality.

These hysterical endeavours sometimes result in boom-bust cycles which involve, in the first stage, the formation of a Grandiosity Bubble, replete with self-supply. Long-term, this can lead to Binary Narcissism.

If even these don't restore supply, externally or internally, the narcissist opts for one of these solutions: The Delusional Narrative Solution, The Antisocial Solution, The Paranoid Schizoid Solution, The Paranoid Aggressive (Explosive) Solution, or The Masochistic Avoidant Solution.

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YouTube is full of misinformation, disinformation, sheer nonsense, and fake news.

Real scholars and academics shun YouTube as the cesspool that it is. Consequently, the field is left wide open to charlatans, dilettantes, and con artists.

The idea is to establish
ScholarTube.

It would be a platform for scholars, researchers, and scientists to maintain and curate their own video channels and educate the public with evidence-based info and cutting edge studies.

The platform will NOT be open to contributions from the public - but the content will be available to everyone to watch.

There will be a committee and it will approve every application for a channel on the merits and following an investigation into the credentials of the applicant.

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Psychopaths and dark triad personalities lie all the time about the FACTS and they are also deliberately deceitful, as a manipulative and goal-oriented strategy.

Narcissists rarely lie about FACTS. They do, however, confabulate: fill in dissociative gaps in memory with plausible or probable scenarios which they then come to believe and defend as factual.

Narcissists break promises because they are
delusional: they confuse fantasy with reality and this renders them deceitful, albeit unintentionally so.

Psychopaths break promises callously and intentionally (“future faking”).

Self-styled “experts” online often confuse narcissism with psychopathy and dark personalities. They misinform and mislead their audiences egregiously.

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We are on the threshold of being able to create "designer CNS (nervous systems)” which will be responsive to idiosyncratic job descriptions and incorporate adaptations reactive to specific environments.

Similarly, soon we will learn to induce neural growth even in the brain and grow brains in a dish.

Finally, within a few decades, we will be routinely backing up our minds into external storage, the way we are doing with our smartphones today. Applications would be able to tap into these uploaded consciousnesses and data mining them both for commercial and medical purposes.

Full Interview on the News Intervention website.

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Introverts and the depressed appear to be indistinguishable. But they have nothing in common. Three important differences:

1. The introvert is ego syntonic: she feels comfortable in her skin and when all by herself. She prefers her own company to any other’s.

The depressive is ego dystonic by definition: he is profoundly unhappy (dysphoric and anhedonic).

2. The introvert never willingly socializes or mingles. You will never find her frequenting clubs or attending parties. She rarely if ever exits home, except to her workplace.

The depressive can be very sociable, even reckless and promiscuous. He uses interactions with others as a form of self-soothing or self-medication.

3. The rates of substance abuse among introverts is drastically lower than among sufferers of depression or anxiety.

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There are two types of psychopath.

The “hot” psychopath resembles the Borderline in that he is impulsive, reckless, and anxious. He is aggressive and, sometimes a criminal. His life is chaotic.

Most secondary (factor 2 or F2) psychopaths are hot. Some of them even have empathy and emotions.

The “cold” (factor 1 of F1) psychopath is cunning, scheming, manipulative, goal-oriented, callous, and ruthless. He is devoid of empathy or emotions, but can be obsessive-compulsive and “anal-retentive” (addicted to order and structure).

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When the cerebral narcissist collapses, he transitions to a somatic phase. Then, gradually - it could take years! - he reverts to his dominant type (cerebral).

But how to tell when the reversion is occurring? Misogyny and misanthropy are the first signs to re-emerge in the switch back from somatic to cerebral.

The cerebral hates women virulently and despises all humanity as beneath him (expressions of underlying depression and anxiety). In contrast, the somatic is sociable, amiable, flirtatious, and hypersexed.

The cerebral is dour, avoidant, contemptuous, and regards all women as malevolent agents of inexorable degradation and mediocrity. He derives a sense of omnipotence by frustrating women and disrespecting them.

So, even when the cerebral collapses and is forced to become somatic, his hatred of women lurks in the background and manifests in bursts of brutal, demeaning aggression and ambient passive-aggression.

But, as a somatic, the collapsed cerebral’s need for sexual conquests overrides his misogyny. So, he suppresses his murderous impulses towards women during his somatic phases. And then, shockingly for all the women in his life, he reverts to form.

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Depression is often frustration writ large. Frustration yields aggression (Dollard, 1939). But men externalize this aggression while women internalize and self-direct it. Depressed men tend to become antisocial, secluded, even violent. In contrast, depressed women typically self-trash, sexually or otherwise.

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Forms of self-defeat and self-destructiveness:

Constricted life
Love addiction
Perfectionism
Self-denial
Depression
Numbing
Dissociation
Masochism
Insecure attachment

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Presentation by @zukowska.daria in the National Interdisciplinary Scientific Conference “Faces of Psychopathology”.

Brave topic: “
Victimhood as a Form of Narcissism”.

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In the 1970s, the second law of thermodynamics has emerged as a major explanation for the Time arrow: entropy inexorably increases and its unidirectional growth determines Time’s exclusive trajectory, from past to future.

This tautology (after all: entropy increases in time!) dominated physics. It provided no insight into the nature of Time or reality (correlation is not causation or any other necessary linkage).

In 1982-3, I met Richard Feynman, the Nobel prize winning genius, in Geneva a few times for long evening reveries in a lakeside shed owned by a common friend (the late Dudley Wright).

One evening, Richard, tired of my diatribes, said: “You are insisting that Time is a nonreducible elementary theoretical entity. If it is so, surely you could derive all of physics from this one single underlying process or thing?”

And this is what I set out to do in
my dissertation.

Recently, Eytan Suchard et al. took my work and ran with it and were able to derive every single theory and equation in all fields of physics from my original, way more primitive, thesis.

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As the mafia say: “All’s well that ends in a well.”

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The thing about the right is that it is rarely that (right). The thing about the left is that it has (left).

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The narcissist holds in contempt the very people he depends on for narcissistic supply.

He also hates himself for being so dependent on them.

And

He hates the people he so depends on.

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I. Loss Induced Dysphoria

This is the narcissist's depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply – or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention).

II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria

Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their inevitable outcome – the absence or deficiency of Narcissistic Supply. Paradoxically, this dysphoria energises the narcissist and moves him to find new Sources of Supply to replenish his dilapidated stock (thus initiating a Narcissistic Cycle).

III. Self-Worth Dysregulation Dysphoria

The narcissist reacts with depression to criticism or disagreement, especially from a trusted and long-term Source of Narcissistic Supply. He fears the imminent loss of the source and the damage to his own, fragile, mental balance. The narcissist also resents his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction is, therefore, a mutation of self-directed aggression.

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As a child, the narcissist constructed an alternative (false) self because he felt that, as he is, his true self, cannot be loved.

Fast forward to adulthood, the
narcissist still refuses to believe that he is lovable.

In his mind, intimate partners seek out what he can offer them and nothing else. Or they want to bask in the glow of his celebrity and accomplishments. But they do not - cannot - love who he really is.

When someone tells the narcissist that she loves him as he is, his core, not his false self - he immediately turns paranoid and imputes to her some nefarious agenda and ulterior motives. He becomes aggressive and rejecting.

If she insists and proves herself time and again, the narcissist devalues her: "she is too stupid to truly appreciate my genius or greatness".

This is the dynamic behind the schizoid phase of collapsed narcissism. Devoid of ostentatious narcissistic supply, with his false self shattered, the narcissist feels that there is nothing he can offer to an intimate partner. He withdraws into an avoidant, reclusive, and sexless existence.

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We are transitioning from the age of cows to the age of milk.

Why work on a relationship (cow) if I can have only sex (glass of milk)?

Why waste time on a man (cow) if I can pay for donor sperm (glass of milk)?

Why read a book (cow) if I can gulp down a 3 paragraph synopsis (glass of milk)?

Why learn anything (cow) if I have access to Wikipedia (glass of milk)?

Why take responsibility for my choices and life (cow) if I can blame others (glass of milk)?

Why work hard at anything (cow) if I can fake it till I make it (glass of milk)?

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Mistreating Celebrities - An Interview granted to Superinteressante Magazine in Brazil.

A. As far as their fans are concerned, celebrities fulfil two emotional functions: they provide a mythical narrative (a story that the fan can follow and identify with) and they function as blank screens onto which the fans project their dreams, hopes, fears, plans, values, and desires (wish fulfilment). The slightest deviation from these prescribed roles provokes enormous rage and makes us want to punish (humiliate) the "deviant" celebrities.

But why?

When the human foibles, vulnerabilities, and frailties of a celebrity are revealed, the fan feels humiliated, "cheated", hopeless, and "empty". To reassert his self-worth, the fan must establish his or her moral superiority over the erring and "sinful" celebrity. The fan must "teach the celebrity a lesson" and show the celebrity "who's boss". It is a primitive defense mechanism - narcissistic grandiosity. It puts the fan on equal footing with the exposed and "naked" celebrity.

A. There is always a sadistic pleasure and a morbid fascination in vicarious suffering. Being spared the pains and tribulations others go through makes the observer feel "chosen", secure, and virtuous. The higher celebrities rise, the harder they fall. There is something gratifying in hubris defied and punished.

A. There is an implicit contract between a celebrity and his fans. The celebrity is obliged to "act the part", to fulfil the expectations of his admirers, not to deviate from the roles that they impose and he or she accepts. In return the fans shower the celebrity with adulation. They idolize him or her and make him or her feel omnipotent, immortal, "larger than life", omniscient, superior, and sui generis (unique).

8. Why are celebrities narcissists? How is this disorder born?

Read the full interview here:
https://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq19.html

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Love is the opposite of weakness. It is the antonym of dependence.

Love is the ultimate form of STRENGTH and COURAGE: not being afraid to be vulnerable and to get hurt.

Love is never merging with your loved one. It is about keeping separate enough to embrace the other person as he is, warts and all.

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Myths of the con artists of the self-help industry:

MYTH You can learn from your mistakes

FACT You are very likely to repeat your behaviors throughout your lifespan (repetition compulsion).

MYTH Change is possible

FACT Meaningful transformation is nearly impossible after age 25.

MYTH Your partner’s past doesn’t matter, only her present behavior

FACT Your partner’s past is your future. Past behaviors and misconduct are sure predictors of future behaviors and misconduct.

MYTH Trauma is an objective experience

FACT Trauma is a subjective, endogenous (psychegenic) reaction. It has little to do with reality, which serves only as a trigger.

MYTH Love and time cure all

FACT In many - maybe most - cases, love and time result in losses, heartbreak, and hurt.

MYTH Sex empowers

FACT Only in the minority of cases and during limerence. Mostly, sex leads to regret, shame, anger, self-loathing, ennui, disgust, and dissonance. This is true even among men and even in committed relationships!

MYTH Having multiple choices empowers

FACT Choice creates anxiety, withdrawal, and avoidance. People hate choice. They want to be spoonfed out of a limited menu of options.

MYTH Parents and their children should be besties, friends

FACT Good parenting requires boundaries, hierarchy, and discipline - the exact opposite of friendship.

 

Also watch: Abuse Victims, Beware: Common Sense is Harmful Nonsense (12 Myths Debunked) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McWOGyGtuL0

 

Also watch 20 WRONG Ideas About Therapy, Psychology https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekBATw1P-wE

 

Also watch 8 Things You are Getting WRONG about Your Narcissist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xdnh7QUUkc

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Men invented the pill.

Men advocated for casual sex at the beginning of the 20th century.

Men sparked the sexual “free love” revolution and then the hookup culture, replete with dating apps.

Men opened up the workplace to women. Now 40% of primary breadwinners in many industrialized countries are female.

Yet, women label these self-interested male acts
: feminism or “women’s empowerment”. Go figure.

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Narcissist is mortified when shamed and humiliated in public, in front of sources of supply or people he looks up to.

Narcissist reacts with narcissistic injury to loss of supply.

Borderline reacts with injury or mortification to abandonment or engulfment.

Psychopath reacts with narcissistic injury to frustration (he is goal-oriented, but unable to delay gratification, is impulsive and reckless), “losing” (or not “winning” in a power play or mind game like gaslighting), and being played or conned.

Narcissistic Injury

An occasional or circumstantial threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Narcissistic Wound

A repeated or recurrent identical or similar threat (real or imagined) to the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Narcissistic Scar

A repeated or recurrent psychological defence against a narcissistic wound. Such a narcissistic defence is intended to sustain and preserve the narcissist's grandiose and fantastic self-perception (False Self) as perfect, omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to special treatment and recognition, regardless of his actual accomplishments (or lack thereof).

Narcissistic rage has two forms:

I. Explosive – The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.

II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) – The narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and is plotting how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damage the work and possessions of people whom they regard to be the sources of their mounting wrath.

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Cerebral narcissist regards himself as misunderstood and unappreciated genius.

Actually, he is depressed. His depression accounts for his sexual abstinence (no libido) around which he constructs a grandiose ideology of superiority.

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My work in various fields cited in more than 3500 academic papers and articles uploaded to academia.edu

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Some people go straight to sex within the first hour or two of meeting someone because they feel that they have little else to offer and hope to hook a potential partner, no matter how lackluster the chemistry is.

It is a sad, dejected form of physical connection that often leaves a bad taste in the aftermath and results in cursory, decrepit one night stands.

Others trade sex for goods and services, big and small, current and future or just for fun, out of overwhelming boredom.

This second group think nothing of sex: it is a merely physical act, the coinage of their interactions. These are usually dark personalities (subclinical psychopaths and the sociossxually unrestricted).

There are those who offer any imaginable kind of unboundaried, self-objectifying, kinky and nonautonomous sex just in order to belong and be accepted or to secure attention and affection.

Many use sex as a form of communication. In lieu of saying “thank you for being nice to me” or “it was fun being together” - they undress. They often feel that they owe the sex out of gratitude.

The above are all considered psychosexual pathologies.

But there is a healthy variant of promiscuity: people who simply love the thrill of exploring new bodies and the fun of mutual desire. Their promiscuity is agentic and empowering. They are not entirely and always selfish, though. Many of them regard sex as a gift and sometimes bestow it on others as an act of kindness.

People cite two additional motivations for having sex with strangers: to emotionally detach from a previous partner (“break the spell”) and to vet prospective partners for sexual compatibility before any further investment in them.

Vetting is very rational. Sex should be part of a third date at the latest. Why on the third date and NEVER on the FIRST? Because the budding intimacy improves the quality of the sex and reduces performance anxiety. Sex on a first date is not a real or efficient test. Sex on a third date definitely is.

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Borderlines switch between self-states. Self-states naming, Autopilot, "It wasn’t (like) me, Can’t place myself in the same state of mind or understand it."

 

Watch Borderline Woman as Dissociative Secondary Psychopath https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I01x0o_OISE

 

Self-states (not the same as Millon’s or others’s typology or taxonomy)

 

Classic-dissociative: separation insecurity, engulfment anxiety, Relationship obsessive–compulsive disorder, philophobia, low Self-monitoring, impaired transparency estimation

 

The shy or quiet borderline internalizes her struggles rather than externalize them. She becomes the exclusive target of her own turmoil. She “acts in”.

 

Psychopathic Borderline/Dark Personality: violent/aggressive

 

Antisocial (secondary psychopath) Borderline: sociosexually unrestricted, compulsive sexting, transactional sex, promiscuous

 

Both the classic and covert borderline (many of the latter are men) act out.

 

LITERATURE

 

1. Front. Psychiatry, 10 December 2020 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2020.514905

Executive Dysfunction Associated With the Primary Psychopathic Features of Borderline Personality Disorder

 José M. López-Villatoro,  Marina Diaz-Marsá,  Blanca Mellor-Marsá,  Irene De la Vega and  José L. Carrasco

 

2. APA PsycArticles: Journal Article

Borderline personality disorder as a female phenotypic expression of psychopathy?

Sprague, J., Javdani, S., Sadeh, N., Newman, J. P., & Verona, E. (2012). Borderline personality disorder as a female phenotypic expression of psychopathy?

Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 3(2), 127–139. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0024134

 

3. Psychopathy and associated personality disorders: searching for a particular effect of the borderline personality disorder?

Nioche A., Pham TH, Ducro C, de Beaurepaire C, Chudzik L, Courtois R,

Réveillère C

Encephale 2010 Jun;36(3):253-9. doi: 10.1016/j.encep.2009.07.004. Epub 2009 Sep 26

 

4. The Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology, Volume 25, 2014 - Issue 6

Antisocial personality disorder comorbid with borderline pathology and psychopathy is associated with severe violence in a forensic sample

Richard C. Howard, Najat Khalifa, & Conor Duggan

 

5. Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 107, 1 March 2017, Pages 72-77

Students, sex, and psychopathy: Borderline and psychopathy personality traits are differently related to women and men's use of sexual coercion, partner poaching, and promiscuity

Roxanne Khan, PhD, Gayle Brewer PhD, Sonia Kim BSc, Luna C. Muñoz Centifanti PhD

 

6. Personality and Individual Differences, Volume 57, January 2014, Pages 14-19

Emotional dysregulation and Borderline Personality Disorder: Explaining the link between secondary psychopathy and alexithymia

 

Leigh E. Ridings, Catherine J. Lutz-Zois

7. Personality Disorders, 2022 May;13(3):288-299.

 doi: 10.1037/per0000504. Epub 2021 Oct 21.

Do my emotions show or not? Problems with transparency estimation in women with borderline personality disorder features

Celine De Meulemeester, Benedicte Lowyck, Bart Boets, Stephanie Van der Donck, Patrick Luyten

 

 

 

 

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