Masochistic Personality Disorder
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The Masochistic personality
disorder made its last appearance in the DSM III-TR and was removed from the
DSM IV and from its text revision, the DSM IV-TR. Some scholars, notably
Theodore Millon, regard its removal as a mistake and lobby for its
reinstatement in future editions of the DSM.
The masochist has been taught from an early age to hate herself and consider
herself unworthy of love and worthless as a person. Consequently, he or she is
prone to self-destructive, punishing, and self-defeating behaviors. Though
capable of pleasure and possessed of social skills, the masochist avoids or
undermines pleasurable experiences. He does not admit to enjoying himself,
seeks suffering, pain, and hurt in relationships and situations, rejects help
and resents those who offer it. She actively renders futile attempts to assist
or ameliorate or mitigate or solve her problems and predicaments.
These self-penalizing behaviors are self-purging: they intend to relieve the
masochist of overwhelming, pent-up anxiety. The masochist's conduct is equally
aimed at avoiding intimacy and its benefits: companionship and support.
(continued below)
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Masochists tend to choose people
and circumstances that inevitably and predictably lead to failure,
disillusionment, disappointment, and mistreatment. Conversely, they tend to
avoid relationships, interactions, and circumstances that are likely to result
in success or gratification. They reject, disdain, or even suspect people who
consistently treat them well. Masochists find caring, loving persons sexually
unattractive.
The masochist typically adopts unrealistic goals and thus guarantees
underachievement. Masochists routinely fail at mundane tasks, even when these
are crucial to their own advancement and personal objectives and even when they
adequately carry out similar assignments on behalf of others. The DSM gives this
example: "helps fellow students write papers, but is unable to write his
or her own".
When the masochist fails at these attempts at self-sabotage, he reacts with
rage, depression, and guilt. She is likely to "compensate" for her
undesired accomplishments and happiness by having an accident or engaging in
behaviors that produce abandonment, frustration, hurt, illness, or physical
pain. Some masochists make harmful self-sacrifices, uncalled for by the
situation and unwanted by the intended beneficiaries or recipients.
The projective identification defense mechanism is frequently at play. The
masochist deliberately provokes, solicits, and incites angry, disparaging, and
rejecting responses from others in order to feel on "familiar
territory": humiliated, defeated, devastated, and hurt.
Self-defeating and Self-destructive behaviors - click HERE!
The Delusional Way Out - click on HERE!
Read Notes from the therapy of a Masochistic Patient
Some people reject happiness and embrace
misery. They belong to either of three groups:
1. Masochists
The masochist has been taught from an early age to hate herself and consider
herself unworthy of love and worthless as a person. Consequently, he or she is
prone to self-destructive, punishing, and self-defeating behaviors. Though
capable of pleasure and possessed of social skills, the masochist avoids or
undermines pleasurable experiences. He does not admit to enjoying himself,
seeks suffering, pain, and hurt in relationships and situations, rejects help
and resents those who offer it. She actively renders futile attempts to assist
or ameliorate or mitigate or solve her problems and predicaments.
These self-penalizing behaviors are self-purging: they intend to relieve the
masochist of overwhelming, pent-up anxiety. The masochist's conduct is equally
aimed at avoiding intimacy and its benefits: companionship and support.
2. Eternal Victims
Victimhood can become an identity and organizing principle that endows the
world with meaning and predictability. Surviving abuse is an accomplishment
that victims are proud of, emotionally invested in, and loth to relinquish, the
foundation of their fragile and labile self-esteem. Some victims regard
themselves as damsels in distress or sleeping beauties, princesses awaiting
rescue by a knight in shining armor in a fabulous, mythical, morally righteous,
or grandiose narrative.
3. Comfort Zone
Being a victim can become a profession of sorts: the abused know the ropes, the
unspoken rules, codes of conduct, and are adept at foreseeing forthcoming
maltreatment. They have evolved coping strategies and manipulative techniques
in order to adapt to and survive in the toxic environment. They feel threatened
in non-abusive situations and environments and with "nice people".
But there is
another aspect of the narcissist's behavior which makes him oblivious to cues,
information, and events in their immediate environment: his singleminded,
solipsistic focus on
extracting narcissistic supply from existing and potential sources.
Narcissists are so obsessed with supply that they fail to notice as people
around them conspire to take advantage of them or cheat them.
The pathetic narcissist drones on endlessly and self-aggrandizingly as his
intimate partner aggressively flirts with another man and then departs with her
new conquest on an assignation (happened to me more times than I can count). He
keeps lecturing and showing off even as his audience smirks and mocks the
bumbling fool for his clownish mannerisms or is bored out of its collective
mind. In a desperate attempt to impress, he shares ideas and proprietary
information that is then plagiarized or stolen. He is utterly unaware of
anything else but the compulsive pursuit of his next fix of attention and
(mostly imagined and delusional) adulation. And this one track mindedness is
his undoing: defenseless and driven, he opens himself to attack and harm, hurt
and pain, humiliation and defeat that sometimes threaten and undermine his very
survival.
Masochism in Narcissism
The True Self (inner child) of SOME narcissists is masochistic. It seeks to recreate the maternal abuse & rejection in the narcissist's adult relationships.
On the face of it, the narcissist reenacts the unresolved conflict with his Primary Object (typically, mother) with the misplaced hope of obtaining a different outcome: resolving it painlessly & favorably, finally being loved & accepted unconditionally.
But in reality the masochistic narcissist chooses broken, dysregulated women who are guaranteed to cause him life-threatening agony as they dump him cruelly & sadistically, usually in favor of other men.
These women deem anything & anyone preferable to the narcissist's injurious & ostentatious absence & rejection. It is not that they do not want to be with the narcissist. On the contrary: they cannot stand NOT being with him any longer. So, they flee, rendering themselves incompatible & unsuitable & even more damaged than they are.
The masochistic & self-destructive narcissist uses the twin defense mechanisms of projective & introjective identification (see my YouTube channel) to coerce his intimate partners to abandon him traumatically exactly as his mother did. Painful love is his comfort zone & the only kind of attachment & bonding he recognizes.
And so the intimate partner betrays the narcissist, cheats on him, or discards him. The painful part is now out of the way: the demons of the past are exorcised, mother's egregious maltreatment is validated & legitimized: All women are like mother & treat me the same! She is not a monster! I am the bad, unlovable object, who is justly punished!
Ironically, as the curtains descend on the end play drama, the narcissist is available to settle into a long term relationship with the very woman who wronged & pained him so. Only to find out in most cases that she is long gone, unnerved & freaked out by the creepy nature of the narcissist's nauseatingly sick mind games & asphyxiating power plays.
The narcissist is not a sick puppy but a rabid stray dog. With a miasmic admixture of emotional blackmail & intermittent reinforcement, the narcissist holds his women hostage in his claustrophobic Bluebeard dungeon cave, shackled to the Bosch-like hell of his writhing psyche. Few women are willing to risk a second vampiric bite.
Emotional Investment (Cathexis) and Emotional Reversal
in Narcissism
The narcissist converts negative emotions – such as envy – into enjoyable experiences
by cathexing them with a conviction of his superiority. In other words: he gets
used and attached to his negative emotions and renders them pleasurably
habit-forming
Within this comfort zone, the narcissist actually enjoys being envious of others,
for instance. He derives masochistic solace from being the butt of injustice,
being discriminated against, and from underachieving – all good reasons to be
envious and to maintain the high moral ground
The narcissists’ inner dialog goes something like this: “I am superior to
everyone, but this is exactly why I am left behind. Society rewards mediocrity
and fears true genius and integrity.” This “martyr complex” is especially
pronounced in conditions of deficient narcissistic supply.
Many additional Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Personality Disorders - click HERE!
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Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited
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World in Conflict and Transition
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