Sam Vaknin’s Instagram Epigrams Page 20

Sam Vaknin’s Instagram Epigrams (archive only)

Narcissism with Vaknin on Instagram (active account)

The behavioral variability in narcissism and psychopathy is only apparent. Actually, their behaviors are very consistent and predictable.

RULES

Optimizes allocation of resources, resents when forced to act wastefully and becomes aggressive, rejecting, frustrating, and sadistic.

Do you care about me? Narcissist: I do. You are useful to me. But, don’t you have emotions for me? N: I don’t do emotions. I do relationship maintenance. I do business: give and take. So, why stay in touch? N: I owe you. I repay my debts. Plus, you could still be useful.

Example:

If s/he wants to have sex, s/he will turn on superficial charm, flirt, lovebomb (idealize).

But with the same subject, when s/he cannot have sex (even though s/he may fervently wish it) s/he will be indifferent, dismissive, bored, and impatient.

So, motivated strictly by opportunities (opportunists), not by people, emotions, cognition, or social mores. Loses all interest when no opportunity presents itself.

Similarly, will disengage physically and mentally and move on once task accomplished. Will not linger or engage in social niceties or small talk.

Is utterly uninterested in other people only in their functions and possible contributions. They cease to exist once their utility is over, when no longer useful, and are dropped abruptly. Everyone without exception is instrumentalized and objectified.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There are great differences of opinion as to what constitutes the unconscious.

Snippet from a lecture to clinicians in Zagreb, March 2024. Video courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissist is subject to reverse recency bias: old days bad (victim), morality play (overcoming insurmountable), good (narcissist) prevailed.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissists are traumatized children. They should be treated with a combination of child therapies and trauma interventions and treatments. Snippet from a lecture to clinicians in Zagreb, Croatia, March 2024. Video courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissist knows best, knows it all, and is always right.

Perceives himself as infallible and omniscient. Knowledge emanates only from the inside (intuition and confabulation, internal object, failed othering).

Magical thinking.

Information from the outside suspect because people are either stupid or malevolent and cannot be trusted.

Lacks curiosity about other people and life except when goal-oriented.

Constricted curiosity.

No learning, only syllogisms and deductions (internal rhetoric). Infinite knowledge base to draw on.

Impaired reality testing reframes all data to conform to cognitive distortions and biases and avoid dissonance (internal confirmation bias).

Knows best and always right.

WATCH Narcissist: Bumbling Fool, Incapable of Learning? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jx3XaZykHY

WATCH Why Narcissist APPEARS So STUPID https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt6IfAc1a5A

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Will the rise of narcissism undermine hierarchies and replace them with networks? Networks are mirror images of hierarchies: their properties and life cycles directly contravene each other.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The most egregious form of abuse is self-victimization.

After all: there isn’t much you could do when your implacable abuser is … YOU.

Still, victimhood as an identity is a form of narcissism, a cognitive distortion exactly like grandiosity, a grievance-based entitlement.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Birthday interview with Scott Douglas Jacobsen of In-Sight and Good Men’s Project.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This video was made in 2018. Nothing has changed since then. Why do some narcissists appear to be bumbling fools, never mind how intelligent they actually are? Eight reasons:

1. No impulse control, no forethought, no foresight = counterproductive, self-defeating, and self-destructive decisions and actions.

2. Acting out: when narcissistic supply is deficient, narcissists decompensate and go haywire (see: https://samvak.tripod.com/journal42.html and my post on collapsed narcissists).

3. Pseudo-stupidity: to avoid the consequences of their misdeeds, narcissists pretend that they have misunderstood something you have said or done or that you took advantage of their good nature.

4. Gullibility: narcissists are grandiose and fantasts, so they misjudge reality (impaired reality test), their skills and limitations, and the intentions of others.

5. No empathy means that the narcissist disastrously misreads others and behaves in socially unacceptable and clownish ways.

6. His sense of entitlement renders the narcissist an overweening buffoon, the butt of mockery and derision, rather than the awe he believes that he inspires and the respect he thinks that he deserves.

7. Hypervigilance leads to disproportionate aggression directed at imaginary slights and to persecutory delusions: paranoid ideation often directed at innocent targets.

8. Finally, the narcissist uses false modesty to fish for compliments. But his attempts are so transparent and inarticulate, so fake and manipulative that people react with repulsion and seek to humiliate him.

The narcissist regards learning something new and getting advice as narcissistic injuries because both situations imply that he is not perfect and not omniscient (all-knowing).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Pathological narcissism is a curse: a severe mental illness that thwarts life, constricts and then destroys it.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissist knows best, knows it all, and is always right.

Perceives himself as infallible and omniscient. Knowledge emanates only from the inside (intuition and confabulation, internal object, failed othering).

Magical thinking.

Information from the outside suspect because people are either stupid or malevolent and cannot be trusted.

Lacks curiosity about other people and life except when goal-oriented.

Constricted curiosity.

No learning, only syllogisms and deductions (internal rhetoric). Infinite knowledge base to draw on.

Impaired reality testing reframes all data to conform to cognitive distortions and biases and avoid dissonance (internal confirmation bias).

Knows best and always right.

WATCH Narcissist: Bumbling Fool, Incapable of Learning? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jx3XaZykHY

WATCH Why Narcissist APPEARS So STUPID https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gt6IfAc1a5A

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Never mind WHAT the narcissist says, ask yourself WHY s/he says it:

Impression management
Confabulation
Support of grandiosity or shared fantasy
Manipulation

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There are two possible pathological reactions to childhood abuse and trauma: codependency and narcissism. They both involve fantasy as a defense mechanism: the codependent has a pretty realistic assessment of herself, but her view of others is fantastic; the narcissist’s self-image and self-perception are delusional and grandiose, but his penetrating view of others is bloodcurdlingly accurate (“cold empathy”).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

My appointment has just been extended as a professor of psychology and management in the Faculty of CIAPS (Commonwealth Institute for Advanced Professional Studies) in the UK (Cambridge and Birmingham), Canada (Ontario), and Nigeria (Lagos). My page in the faculty of CIAPS (scroll to the left) https://ciaps.org/faculty/sam-vaknin/

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The masses feel that they are being held hostage and enslaved by rapacious, venal, and mendacious elites.

They regard these elites and their values as avowed enemies: the West, governments, academia, mainstream media, science, the finance industry, the Jews.

The foes of the elites are the friends of the masses: terrorists, antisemites, conspiracy theorists, Russia, China, populist authoritarians, the alt right, the extreme left.

The masses abuse democracy and empowering technologies so as to uproot the established order.

This is Jose Ortega y Gasset’s “Revolt of the Masses” which always results in ochlocracies, dictatorships, and atrocities.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Borderlines and narcissists are a perfect match. How come?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissists misperceive love and intimacy and mislabel their internal processes.

Full interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjYViKg-nuE

Conor Ryan Eyes Wide Open https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-9AerUNgK-C3PlOnAchysg

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Presentation in International Congress on Mental Health and Psychiatry, Paris, December 2024

WATCH Haunted Minds of Narcissist, Borderline: Schizoid Empty Core https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHfYPEf_8ZM

We are all born with empty schizoid core, compensate by introjecting Mommy (symbiosis and primary narcissism).

Borderline's introjection failure and consequent introject inconstancy is what gives rise to his/her sense of emptiness (described by Kernberg). She compensates by over-reliance on external objects (anaclitic personality).

Narcissism is compensatory and infantile: object inconstancy, ceaseless introjection and incorporation of internal object MASK the emptiness, compensate for it (introjective personality).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The only form of relevant , helpful psychology amounts to the formulation of insights derived from empathy, observation, and introspection.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is debatable whether narcissists are fully human. So many critical features are missing that narcissists resemble machines (or aliens), are closer to artificial intelligence than to what we recognize and designate as human.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Snippet from a lecture to clinicians in Zagreb, Croatia, March 2024.

Video courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

No ethical consensus regarding what constitutes a Just War and the permissibility of civilian casualties.

There are international conventions and courts + domestic laws + Army guidelines.

PSYCHOLOGY OF WAR CRIMES

Bonding and intimacy among combatants, but even with the enemy which is life-threatening: Objectification, Dehumanization via splitting and reaction formation, attribution errors.

Paranoid ideation and persecutory delusions.

Self-empowerment, reassertion of control: Perception of necessary self-defense, greater good, preemption (anxiolytic), resolution or closure (vengeance, retribution, ledger settling accounts), righteouness.

Raw purity, exaltation, apotheosis (omnipotence), catharsis (Colonel Kurz in Apocalypse Now): sadistic, narcissistic psychopaths.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The only thing I love more than food is more food. Overeating and hoarding (including of money) are forms of anxiolytic (anxiety-reducing) self-soothing.

Photo courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is hard to tell reality and fantasy apart. This is especially true if your mental health is compromised. Here is a tip.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The narcissist’s victimhood grievances have to do with appearances: a damaged reputation, deteriorating looks, time wasted, money lost, declining status, or mourned past possessions.

A real victim’s grievances have to do with essence: hurt emotions, negative affects, shattered inner peace, absented sense of safety, inability to trust again, loss of personal identity, broken dreams and promises.

In the wake of abusive relationships, shame, remorse, and self-recrimination are common. But these should not be confused with the way more healthy processes of introspection, learning from mistakes, and deriving lessons from experience.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I peer review book proposals for publishers such as Routledge and Bloomsbury. I always choose to get paid in books rather than in cash. Books have always been the only constant in my life, a sanctuary from horrors and torments, the repository of unrequited attachment, they afforded me a sense of safety wherever I had ended up, and provided the transmission mechanism from the slum of my birthplace to the adventures that awaited me among the rich, the mighty, and the learned.

Photo courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Healing takes way longer than getting sick.

Rebuilding spans years, demolishing requires but a minute.

Reconstruction demands many more resources than deconstruction.

Recovery is much more complex than abuse.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Isolophiles (solophiles) are not schizoid and a few are asexual: they crave solitude, they most enjoy their own company, and are happiest when engaged in solitary activities.

But, society regards them as weirdos. Well-meaning people attempt to impose on them companionship and group activities.

Some isolophiles (solophiles) react aggressively to such incursions. They become misanthropic, cantankerous, ornery, offensive, haughty, and defensive.

This is a dysfunctional behavioral strategy of driving everyone away and securing the aloneness the isolophile (solophile) needs in order to thrive.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A completely new view of Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) is emerging from recent studies. It defies the stereotype.

LITERATURE

WATCH Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD): Overview and Issues https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y4B8rgoqDI

Garb HN. Race bias and gender bias in the diagnosis of psychological disorders. Clin Psychol Rev. 2021 Dec;90:102087. doi: 10.1016/j.cpr.2021.102087. Epub 2021 Sep 28. PMID: 34655834.

Eielsen HP, Vrabel K, Hoffart A, Rø Ø, Rosenvinge JH. Reciprocal relationships between personality disorders and eating disorders in a prospective 17-year follow-up study. Int J Eat Disord. 2022 Dec;55(12):1753-1764. doi: 10.1002/eat.23823. Epub 2022 Oct 10. PMID: 36214278; PMCID: PMC10092669.

Maseroli E, Scavello I, Cipriani S, Palma M, Fambrini M, Corona G, Mannucci E, Maggi M, Vignozzi L. Psychobiological Correlates of Vaginismus: An Exploratory Analysis. J Sex Med. 2017 Nov;14(11):1392-1402. doi: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2017.09.015. PMID: 29110807.

Gillespie NA, Aggen SH, Gentry AE, Neale MC, Knudsen GP, Krueger RF, South SC, Czajkowski N, Nesvåg R, Ystrom E, Rosenström TH, Torvik FA, Reichborn-Kjennerud T, Kendler KS. Testing Genetic and Environmental Associations Between Personality Disorders and Cocaine Use: A Population-Based Twin Study. Twin Res Hum Genet. 2018 Feb;21(1):24-32. doi: 10.1017/thg.2017.73. PMID: 29369040; PMCID: PMC6038923.

González-Bueso V, Santamaría JJ, Oliveras I, Fernández D, Montero E, Baño M, Jiménez-Murcia S, Del Pino-Gutiérrez A, Ribas J. Internet Gaming Disorder Clustering Based on Personality Traits in Adolescents, and Its Relation with Comorbid Psychological Symptoms. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020 Feb 26;17(5):1516. doi: 10.3390/ijerph17051516. PMID: 32111070; PMCID: PMC7084409.

Yalch MM, Ceroni DB, Dehart RM. Influence of Child Abuse and Neglect on Histrionic Personality Pathology. J Trauma Dissociation. 2023 Jan-Feb;24(1):111-124. doi: 10.1080/15299732.2022.2119458. Epub 2022 Sep 2. PMID: 36053041.

Guillot CR, Lucke HR, Ramsey AJ, Kearns NT, Blumenthal H, Berman ME. Cluster-b personality disorder traits and impulsivity: Indirect associations with alcohol use severity through positive alcohol expectancies. Exp Clin Psychopharmacol. 2023 Apr;31(2):423-432. doi: 10.1037/pha0000598. Epub 2022 Sep 1. PMID: 36048108; PMCID: PMC9975115.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If you have no ambition, no goals, and no expectations - you can never fail or let yourself down.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There is no denying that most people want their pets and love them. They are attached to them and experience grief and bereavement when they die, depart, or are sick. Most pet-owners find keeping pets emotionally fulfilling, happiness-inducing, and highly satisfying. This pertains even to unplanned and initially unwanted new arrivals.

Could this be the missing link? Does pet-ownership revolve around self-gratification? Does it all boil down to the pleasure principle?

Pet-keeping may, indeed, be habit forming. Months of raising pups and cubs and a host of social positive reinforcements and expectations condition pet-owners to do the job. Still, a living pet is nothing like the abstract concept. Pets wail, soil themselves and their environment, stink, and severely disrupt the lives of their owners. Nothing too enticing here.

If you eliminate the impossible, what is left - however improbable - must be the truth. People keep pets because it provides them with narcissistic supply.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The woke liberal left is ostensibly against all forms of discrimination, racism, and aggression.

But it makes an exception for and legitimizes antisemitism and violence - including sexual violence - against Jews because, in their eyes, Jews are synonymous with the oppressive and rapacious elites, maintain a “settler colonial outpost” (Israel), and are, therefore, the aggressors, never the victims.

Can we end up gaslighting ourselves?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Most young people are ignorant and illiterate. Their “social activism” and “protests” are nothing but nauseating narcissistic posturing and competitive virtue signaling.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Say this to drive the narcissist to apoplexy, reduce him/her to a quivering heap:

Do this/don’t do this

I agree with you

I disagree with you

I won’t do it

Do you need some help or advice? Directions?

Let me show you how to do it

Maybe, not sure it’s true

Are you sure? Can you prove it? Provide references?

This is one way to look at it/do it

You are wrong, it didn’t happen like that

Maybe s/he is right?

You are among the best

Taking into account … you really did well, look good, are accomplished

I heard this before from someone else

I suggest that you …

I was/am exactly like you, I was thinking precisely the same thing

Together, we will make it

I have the same … like you

Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating:

Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception of his grandiose self.

Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of "talents and skills" which the narcissist fantasises that he possesses.

Any hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party.

Any description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others.

Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim, an average person of mediocre accomplishments.

The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.

The narcissist reacts indignantly, with wrath, hatred, aggression, or even overt violence to any infringement of what he perceives to be his natural entitlement.

Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are of such cosmic significance that others should defer to their needs and cater to their every whim without ado. The narcissist feels entitled to interact or be treated (or questioned) only by unique individuals. He resents being doubted and "ridiculed".

Any insinuation, hint, intimation, or direct declaration that the narcissist is not special at all, that he is average, common, not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest inflame the narcissist. He holds himself to be omnipotent and omniscient.

Tell the narcissist that he does not deserve the best treatment, that his desires are not everyone's priority, that he is boring or ignorant, that his needs can be catered to by any common practitioner (medical doctor, accountant, lawyer, psychiatrist), that he and his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged, that he will do what he is told, that his temper tantrums will not be tolerated, that no special concessions will be made to accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to court procedures, etc. – and the narcissist will likely lose control.

The narcissist believes that he is the cleverest, far above the madding crowd.

Contradict him often, disagree with him and criticize his judgement, expose his shortcomings, humiliate and berate him ("You are not as intelligent as you think you are", "Who is really behind all this? It takes sophistication which you don't seem to possess ", "So, you have no formal education", "You are (mistake his age, make him much older)", "What did you do in your life? Did you study? Do you have a degree? Did you ever establish or run a business? Would you define yourself as a success?", "Would your children share your view that you are a good father?", "You were last seen with a certain Ms. … who is (suppressed grin) a stripper (in demeaning disbelief)".

I know that many of these questions cannot be asked outright in a court of law. But you can insinuate them or hurl these sentences at him during the breaks, inadvertently during the examination or deposition phase, etc. Narcissists hate innuendos even more than they detest direct attacks.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Our civilization is utterly narcissistic and becoming gradually more psychopathic. It pays to be narcissistic, it is a positive adaptation.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A healthy attitude: “I don’t trust experts just because they are experts. I use my critical thinking.”

A pathological (grandiose) approach: “I don’t trust experts because I am more knowledgeable than they would ever be.” (Malignant Egalitarianism).

To trust information just because an expert says so is a logical fallacy. To distrust information just because it hails from an expert is envious idiocy.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3 types of narcissism: post-traumatic (closure), reactive (attention, need to be seen), societal (conformity) united in charismatic-magnetic narcissist, the underdog who makes it against all odds and the elites establishment.

Blank slate that allows projection (“Being There”).

Inordinately lucky (divinely blessed by fate, supernaturally superhuman, infallible), magical thinking, fantasy as the only unbounded and unboundaried reality. All wishes can come true, there are no limits.

Elevates followers (seen, part of history, feel special or chosen, needed and indispensable) and colludes with them against others, the “enemy” or the “ill-informed”. Fake hyper-empathy, resonance, mass intimacy within the cult of the shared fantasy.

Dark side, self-destructiveness owing to parentification (Bloland, 2000)

LITERATURE

Christopher Bonovitz Psy.D. (2015) Charisma and Self-
Destruction: A Developmental View, Contemporary Psychoanalysis, 51:1, 51-73, DOI: 10.1080/00107530.2015.963831

A History of Charisma (2010), John Potts

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In the discard phase, the narcissist both splits and projects.

Lecture to clinicians in Zagreb, Croatia, March 2024.

Snippet courtesy of @reframingtheself

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Sam Vaknin’s keynote presentation in the International Congress on Mental Health and Psychiatry, December 2024, Paris, France.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ambition is a form of internalized social control. It renders you just one more rat in the race.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Promiscuity (men and women alike):

Would you buy a used car with 40 previous owners, never mind how minimal the mileage is?

No, you wouldn’t.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Communicating with the narcissist is not what it seems (or sounds). Listen to @shadowdeangelis

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Men feel less comfortable to admit to having been traumatized - it is perceived as a weakness, a deplorable and ridiculous vulnerability, effete and effeminate. If you have been victimized as a man, something must be wrong with you, maybe you are just stupid, gullible, and you had it coming (you deserve it).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The back cover of the first edition of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited”, the first book ever written about narcissistic abuse (published online in 1997 and in a print edition 1999). Nothing much new has been added since then.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

YOLO=You Only Live Once, WOLF=We Only Live Forever.

No Ego, No Superego, Only Id.

No horizon: no future consequences to present actions (malignant mindfulness), sense of impunity and immunity (will always get away with it).

Opportunities perceives as malfunctions of reality and the resulting disequilibrium must be seized regardless of costs or consequences (carpe diem).

Lack of impulse control, disinhibition, attentional narrowing.

Rise of narcissism in modern civilization renders other people a burden or even dangerous.

Narcissists and psychopaths are over-represented in mission critical professions.

Narcissists and psychopaths in the family and among friends, on dating and in the workplace makes self-sufficient atomization and solitude the only survival strategy if one abjures narcissism.

Schizoid men saw the business opportunity in such social trends and developed technologies that are asocial, mislabeling them as social.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

People are not interested in nuances, shades of grey, doubts, or in the truth.

They engage in splitting within a morality play: all good vs. irredeemably evil, totally right vs. absolutely wrong, impeccable heroes or victims vs. malevolent predators and monsters.

And guess on whose side they always find themselves.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissist has no ego and, therefore, no superego which is a part of the ego.

Primitive superego injunctions=negative introjects within an internalized bad object.

Bad object is internalized and incorporated by the child, it is not the mother (departure from Klein).

LITERATURE

WATCH You Don't Deserve to Be Happy, Loved (Bad Object) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTGaesM987o

WATCH Ego is Opposite of Narcissism: Ego Functions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVjbnJLK4fQ

Taming the Negative Introject: Empowering Patients to Take Control of Their Mental Health, by Carol Berman, 2019

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The narcissist is possessed by an internalized bad object: a coalition of disparaging, shaming, and hateful voices (negative introjects).

The bad object IS the narcissist. The narcissist compensates for the bad object by becoming someone else (by merging with a False Self).

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kathi Stringer, a mental health educator and author, was among the very first to spread the word about my work on narcissistic abuse in the 1990s through her website. To express her commitment to these then new ideas about narcissism, she purchased 100 copies of the first edition of “Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited” (I have never charged for any of my content online). A few days ago, she sent me this song and I am sharing it with you.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why the powerful bond with the narcissist? Why does invariably devalue and discard you?

Common background of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences)

Hall of Mirrors Effect

Trauma Bonding

Shared Fantasy

Projective Resonance (not the same as empathy or social cognition):

As an external object, if you are weak, vulnerable, dependent, and submissive, you remind him of his moribund True (unconstellated, unintegrated) Self (and, thereby, undermine his grandiose, fantastic False Self).

As an external object, if you are strong, resilient, agentic, independent, and self-efficacious you remind him of his False Self (and, thereby, challenge his uniqueness).

This is another reason for snapshotting (introjecting) you. While you are a threat to the narcissist’s precarious balance, as an internal object you make him feels whole, elated, oceanic when reminded of his True Self - or idealized (co-idealization) when you remind him of his False Self.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The ideal in ages past was the Jack of All Trades, the Renaissance Man, with an all-rounded education, forged in the crucible of innovation and discovery.

Nowadays, we aspire to be specialists, money hungry experts on a tiny sliver of knowledge, oblivious to all else. We often fake even such alleged competence.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Victimhood movements on both the left and the right show signs of mental illness. With Ed Dutton (https://edwarddutton.com/)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An overview of narcissism and the narcissist in my interview on the Theory of Everything YouTube channel with Curt Jaimungal.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The secret to self-actualization is balance and transparency with yourself and with others. Swipe left!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The narcissist’s shared fantasy is a form of lucid dreaming, it is his lucid dream and you are just a character in it, manipulated according to a pre-ordained script.

The narcissist incorporates you into the shared fantasy by entraining you and this process triggers introjects and repressed memories.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Narcissistic female CEOs and narcissistic CFO are good for business: they enhance the performance, profitability, and valuation of the enterprises they manage.

More and more women join the ranks of narcissists and psychopaths. A recent study found that female narcissistic CEOs outbest their narcissistic male counterparts in every corporate yardstick.

LITERATURE

Female CEOs with a squeeze of narcissism: A perfect cocktail for corporate performance? by Tom Aabo, Sara Korsdal Rønnow
Finance Research Letters, Volume 64, June 2024, 105469

CFO narcissism and corporate digital transformation by Wenyun Yao, Mengjiao Ni, Yuhang Qian, Shujing Yang, Xiaona Cui, Finance Research Letters, Volume 64, June 2024, 105422

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The rush to rebound from narcissistic abuse is counterproductive, even destructive.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Abuse is normalized in early childhood, it becomes a comfort zone, love is associated with pain.

In in my interview on the Theory of Everything YouTube channel with Curt Jaimungal.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This is how AI imagines and visualizes my mind, based on my talk with Dr. Martin Burckhardt. Swipe left.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

More and more women join the ranks of narcissists and psychopaths. A recent study found that female narcissistic CEOs outbest their narcissistic male counterparts in every corporate yardstick.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Infantilization: language, tone of voice.

Regresses you as well: two orphans in the dark woods (Hansel and Gretel Effect).

Fight for the relationship (like not divorcing because of the kids).

True self never emerges, bait into shared fantasy, a lure.

No Inner child. Narcissist is a child (arrested development, developmental delay, disorder).

Developmental age (DA), developmental amnesia, maturational crisis.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is amazing how often unmitigated idiots (think Elon Musk) are eulogized by towering intellects.

Example: Bismarck ruined the balance of power in Europe that guaranteed peace for decades. He introduced military might as the arbiter in international affairs. He destroyed the Holy Alliance and then had to recreate it from scratch. He fathered the two world wars that devastated the Continent and, most of all, his beloved Germany.

Yet, Kissinger called him a genius.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Love and time are risks, not opportunities. And, yet, life is pointless without both.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Being a Jew is a life sentence which I am proud to bear. Interview with Conor Ryan, Eyes Wide Open.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

There are many ways to circumvent and sabotage the no contact with your abuser rules:

Frivolous litigation
Rebuttal: privately and in public
Stalking, intelligence gathering, and messaging: direct and indirect (via third parties and go-betweens, including common children, on social media)
Signaling and encoded messages
Reframing and inner dialog with introject
Smear campaigning

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The only two keys to becoming combination Elon Musk and Donald Trump!

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Suffering and loss are misperceived as ...

Secure base: safe, predictable, familiar, ritualized (religious).

Self-punitive, resonates with introjects as way to silence bad object.

Expiating, purging, cleansing and therefore rewarding or leads to rewards (morality play and moral superiority).

Victimhood identity confers rights and entitlements.

Engine of personal growth and development, identity formation.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Growing awareness of narcissism and psychopathy since the 1960s makes it more difficult to prey on victims. I was the first to describe narcissistic abuse in 1995 and this launched a global movement.

Narcissists and psychopaths transitioned from hunting to virtual reality: shared fantasies that have redefined civilization in narcissistic and psychopathic terms.

The new ecosystem rewards and incentivizes narcissistic and psychopathic traits and behaviors and promotes them (axiological shift): ambition, ruthlessness, callousness, defiance, contumaciousness, Machiavellianism (manipulativeness), atomization (self-sufficiency).

This new ecosystem is binary. There are only 2 roles available: predator and prey. Your choice. This guarantees an abundance of prey – but it also promotes victimhood and paranoia which, ironically, are forms of grandiosity.

Victimhood and paranoia created an imbalance between the number of victims and the number of abusers. So, victims are now in search of abusers: they label everyone as a victimizer by redefining abuse and lowering the bar of what constitutes abuse.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Video presentation in the 4th World Congress on Psychiatrists and Psychologists, Paris, June 27-28, 2024

Mistaken application of concept of peers only to children or adolescents.

WATCH When Narcissist is Rejected by Peers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYPLw5P3jSU

Peers are not always primary (supportive) group, though they constitute a social group with shared interests and values (homophily). Sometimes, they are frenemies. Always they are a point of reference which induces both ego syntony and ego dystony, or even suicidal ideation.

Peer groups thrive on othering failures and collective negative identity formation. Exclusion (e.g., unisex, unigender) and hierarchy (dominance vs. submission) provide a sense of safety, popularity, wellbeing, and defiant autonomy.

Peers are socialization agents and the conveyors and purveyors of social and sexual behavioral scripts via peer pressure and modeling. Social referents for teaching other members customs, social norms, gender roles, and different ideologies.

Lack of affiliation to a peer group alters cognitive, linguistic, social, and emotional paths of development Lev Vygotsky’s sociocultural theory, Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, Harry Stack Sullivan’s Theory of Interpersonal Relations).

Piaget: children’s speech less egotistical among themselves than with adults.

Sullivan described friendships as providing the following functions: (a) offering consensual validation, (b) bolstering feelings of self-worth, (c) providing affection and a context for intimate disclosure, (d) promoting interpersonal sensitivity, and (e) setting the foundation for romantic and parental relationships.

Decreasing dependence on parents, increasing feelings of self-sufficiency, and connecting with a much larger social network.

John B. Watson, B.F. Skinner, and Albert Bandura, Judith Rich Harris, Behaviourism, Operant Learning Theory, and Cognitive Social Learning Theory.

Social Identity Theory: group norms are developed and enforced through socialization processes that promote in-group similarity (normative regulation coupled with the practice of social behaviors via assigned roles) and superiority or victimhood (halo effect via affiliation).

Peer groups' cohesion is determined and maintained by such factors as group communication, group consensus (normative code), and group conformity concerning attitude and behavior.

Peer groups also sanction non-conformity (e.g., by rejection) and thus motivate risk-taking (recklessness), aggression, promiscuity, but also prosociality rather than antagonism and dissociality.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Andre Green’s concept of the “dead mother” (the opposite of Winnicott’s “good enough mother”) explains the pathoetiology of narcissism.