Sam Vaknin’s Instagram Epigrams (archive only)

Narcissism with Vaknin on Instagram (active account)

 

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Narcissist is in a state of prolonged grief and misery seeks company.

Exposure to prolonged grief is traumatizing: transmission vector.

Endogenous vs. Exogenous dysregulation.

Driven to re-enact loss and resolve trauma with a maternal stand-in by recreating the trauma space (ideal Mom-ideal Kid in a shared fantasy engendered by secondary trauma).

Vicarious trauma fosters role reversal from Mom to Kid (infantile regression);

Narcissist as Mom can now abuse the Kid and disarm it (narcissistic abuse);

Once power and hurt asymmetries are righted, narcissist reverts to Kid and his partner is restored to a much less threatening Mom.

Narcissist now attempts to complete the separation-individuation phase from his Mom partner without fear of retribution from an enfeebled, shattered Mom.

He separates from her (discarding her or pushing her to abandon him) thus reasserting control, even at the cost of elevated anxiety (which he resolves by replacing).

Hoovering is outcome of unresolved conflict (introject permanence leads to attempts at restoring object permanence).

Watch
Narcissist as Grieving Infant: It Affects YOU

Watch
When Your Pain Traumatizes Others: Vicarious (Secondary) Trauma

Watch
Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU.

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What’s wrong with voluntary sex work? It has social utility. The sex worker can make a FORTUNE out of activities that anyhow she engages in gratis.

I prostitute my brain. No different to prostituting one’s vagina.

Condemning sex work is patriarchal thinking: men prostitute themselves - their muscles and brains - all the time.

The sex worker gets to meet fascinating men, have a regular sex life, gets invited to restaurants, bars, clubs, travel all over the world, and often ends up snagging a rich husband (a rescuer type). And I forgot to mention opportunities for group sex.

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Psychology is in crisis owing to the pernicious influences of celebrity and money.

Scientists are claiming expertise when and where they have none.

Many are "massaging" the results of experiments (replication crisis).

Making unfounded claims based on flimsy or non-existent evidence

Abusing their authority.

Molecular Biology fundamentalists (Sapolsky BOOK) are grandiose and grossly misleading, I cringe.

Some of the problems: correlation not causation, reductionism and ignorance (empathy not narcissism), contradictory results, not enough known, environmental triggering (nurture, not nature), replicability issues, inflated ill-founded claims.

Examples:
antidepressants and DSM.

ANTIDEPRESSANTS

Is Depression Healthy? (2nd Webinar on Depression Management, May 2021)

No link between depression and serotonin, finds major analysis

A review of 17 previous studies finds no evidence for a link between depression and low serotonin levels, which SSRI antidepressants focus on – though not everyone is convinced by the findings

NEW SCIENTIST HEALTH 20 July 2022 By Sarah Wild

The serotonin theory of depression: a systematic umbrella review of the evidence
Joanna Moncrieff, Ruth E. Cooper, Tom Stockmann, Simone Amendola, Michael P. Hengartner & Mark A. Horowitz
(Nature) Molecular Psychiatry (2022)

DSM

Watch
Future of Personality Disorders: ICD Revolutionary, DSM Craven.

 

Finally, a revolution in the perception of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in the newest editions of the DSM and ICD.

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DAILY MAIL: How a narcissist REALLY sees you: Doctor of psychology (who's also narcissistic!) reveals your emotions make them feel weak, you mean 'nothing' to them and they discard you to get back at their mother.

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Stress mobilizes - anxiety paralyzes.

Dedication galvanizes - addiction euthanizes.

Envy kills - emulation fulfills.

Grieving is overcome - depression overcomes.

Striving attains - perfectionism detains.

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Psychosis is the natural state in childhood: hyperreflexivity and internal objects=external ones.

If the external is terrifying (abuse, trauma), the child transitions to BPD where internal objects are external (psychoticism) and with a False Self which starts as external (special friend) and ends as internal.

This Self fragment or figment prevents full-fledged psychosis (a state of no self).

If the BPD False Self is attacked and disabled by abuse and trauma, the child attempts to transition to NPD.

NPD is mirror image of BPD:

External objects are internal (fantasy and delusionality) and False Self which starts as internal (grandiosity) and ends as external (true self vanishes).

This solution fails when reality intrudes and cannot be reframed and the False Self remains internal.

The child then transitions to psychopathy where only external objects exist and there is no false self or any self (unimpaired reality testing).

Decompensation reverses this sequence. Therapy can leverage decompensation to affect regression and fix the failures (second chance).

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The exact same actions can be utterly meaningless or overwhelmingly meaningful.

Dinner at the same venue with the same menu choices, watching a movie, listening to music, or even having sex feel utterly different with a loved one than with a random colleague.

But the absence of meaning is not to be confused with emotionlessness.

Every action is imbued with emotions. There is no such thing as an emotionless experience.

Even a one night stand with a total stranger involves vulnerability, trust, and affection if not lust and thrill. It has emotional antecedents and consequences.

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Response to all critics of this video: "4 Facts to Blow Your Mind: Abuse, Parenting, Stress, Marshmallows".

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Long interview in the new issue of the visually stunning Italian fashion publication, Shot Magazine @shotmagazine with @alex_amok and Erin.

 

The future belongs to solitary, self-sufficient narcissists and psychopaths with no empathy or emotions. Consumption is the substitute for life.

Interview transcript and proposed solutions here in 2 videos of the interview on my YouTube channel.

You can watch the video recordings of our conversation in 2 parts on my YouTube channel. The transcript is available in the description field of each of these 2 videos:

20 Steps to Fix This Horrible Mess We Are All In (Shot Magazine)

Adapting to Dystopian New Normal (Interview with Shot Magazine)

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Victimization involves the denial of the self-determination, identity, self-actualization, rights, and boundaries of a person without their express consent and collaboration.

When victimhood becomes an organizing and explanatory (hermeneutic) principle, a determinant of the victim’s identity, and a socially binding force centred around grievances; prosocial or communal grandiosity; entitlement; conspiracism (paranoid or persecutory delusions); aggressive engagement or, on the other end of the spectrum, schizoid withdrawal; dysempathy; defiance (reactance); and contumaciousness (rejection of expertise and authority) – we have on our hands a victim identity movement.

No one is a victim. We may end up being victimized – but it doesn’t render us victims for life, it doesn’t brand us.

 

The sociologist Bradley Campbell suggested that we have transitioned from a culture centred around dignity to one based on victimhood.

Learn more by reading Habermas, Fukuyama, and Foucault. All justice-seeking movements start with grievances (injustices). They decry and seek to remedy and reverse individual transgressions (eg, the narcissistic abuse online movement) or societal and cultural biases (implicit and explicit), discrimination, and suppression.

The victims organize themselves around exclusionary identity politics and intersectionality and this orientation results in grandiosity and entitlement, in other words: in growing narcissism. Increasingly more aggressive, these movements often become psychopathic (defiant and contumacious) and demonize the Other.

Interview in News Intervention with Scott Douglass Jacobsen.

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We tend to confuse the amoral with the immoral and both these with evil.

A person can be good and do good without adhering to any system of morality. The prosocial or communal narcissist is a case in point.

It is also possible to renounce morality altogether without ever acting immorally. For example: moral relativism or hard atheism need not result in immorality.

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Signs of imminent devaluation and discard by the narcissist:

Emotional absence, indifference, and coldness

Affected “civility”

Constant criticism and denigration

Passive-aggression

Unfavorable comparisons

Setting you up for failure and misconduct

Paranoid ideation and pathological jealousy

Sudden secret actions (financial or romantic)

Public disparagement and humiliation, also with common children

Sex withholding or degradation

Cessation of all joint activities, especially of a social nature

Pervasive distrust and micromanagement

Discard reenacts unresolved separation phase.

Individuation depends on devaluation (in order to preserve grandiosity and exit the shared fantasy) and externalization-projection (reversal of internalization-introjection). When either of these two processes fails, hoovering results.

So, emotionally, discard precedes devaluation. The narcissist hangs on to his partner only in order to complete the devaluation.

Devaluation resembles also the separation phase in adolescence: reactance (defiance), contempt, distancing, negative identity formation, approach-avoidance.

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1. Parents less happy than the childless
2. Abuse indicates love and caring
3. Stress is good for you, meditation and mindfulness which are used to reduce it are not always beneficial
4. Marshmallow Test is Wrong

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Discard reenacts unresolved separation phase.

Individuation depends on devaluation (in order to preserve grandiosity and exit the shared fantasy) and externalization-projection (reversal of internalization-introjection). When either of these two processes fails, hoovering results.

So, emotionally, discard precedes devaluation. The narcissist hangs on to his partner only in order to complete the devaluation.

Devaluation resembles also the separation phase in adolescence: reactance (defiance), contempt, distancing, negative identity formation, approach-avoidance.

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New haircut, new aesthetics.

The language of
aesthetic judgement is identical to the languages of physics, morality, and hedonism. Aesthetic values sound strikingly like moral ones and both resemble, structurally, the laws of nature. We say that beauty is "right" (symmetric, etc.), that we "ought to" maximize beauty - and this leads to the right action. Replace "beauty" with "good" in any aesthetic statement and one gets a moral statement. Moral, natural, aesthetic, and hedonistic statements are all mutually convertible. Moreover, an aesthetic experience often leads to moral action.

There is a principle of aesthetic resonance at work. Works of art and beauty evoke in us associations with nature: white marble is strongly evocative of the naked human form, for instance. The resonance is both qualitative and pertains to intensive aesthetic properties, such as texture, color, “warmth”, or shape (as in the aforementioned example) and quantitative (as when aesthetic pieces refer to and enhance each other so as to yield an emergent whole.) This deeply-felt resonance may be at the heart of aesthetics’ affinity with morality, especially with the “natural law”.

More here:
https://samvak.tripod.com/ethics.html

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Watch this first: Narcissist First Discards You in His Mind, Then in Reality.

Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU.

During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist's attempts to hand over to you the introject (snapshot) that represents you in his mind, imbuing it with negativity (devaluation). It never works owing to the narcissist's introject constancy (intended to allay his abandonment anxiety/separation insecurity) and to his repetition compulsion.

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Narcissistic supply and perceived success (self-supply) are aphrodisiacs. When they are deficient or absent in the collapse phase, the narcissist becomes dysphoric (watch my video titled “The Narcissist’s 3 depressions”).

Depression is closely correlated with hyposexuality or even sexlessness (a transient subtype of asexuality). In this sense, all narcissists have gray sexuality and are on the a-spectrum (though, of course, not all asexuals are narcissists).

Normally, cerebral narcissists switch to somatic in order to restart the interrupted flow of supply. But when they have body image problems, this may take longer than normal.

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I hate the idiotic and counterfactual trope: “It is never too late”.

Of course it is too late for most, if not all things. Anyone who knows the first thing about aging will concur. And we rarely get second chances.

Both the mind and the body lose capabilities at an alarming rate as we grow older: cognitive decline and sexual dysfunction are inexorable, the immune system crumbles, self-repair is out of the window.

There is a thin line between optimism and deception, hope and delusion, determination and grandiosity. Never cross it - for your own good!

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What would a regime run by artists look like? Look no further than Nazi Germany.

Hitler was a mediocre and frustrated classical and architectural painter. He contributed to the design of the Volkswagen beetle in 1938 and, with Speer, co-planned museums and cities of the future.

Goering was an art collector and connoisseur. He looted art from all over Europe for his private collection and a future museum.

The leadership of the Nazi dictatorship was obsessed with aesthetics in its rallies (Nuremberg), symbols (the swastika), cinema (Riefenstahl), and even uniforms. Himmler commissioned the captivating SS uniform from Hugo Boss and Goring designed the Luftwaffe’s imposing attire.

The Nazis burned books but never destroyed art - not even “degenerate”, Jewish art which they placed in cautionary exhibitions.

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Narcissists attaches to objects (books, human bodies) and functions (the 4 Ss: sex, supply, services, and safety); borderline attaches to her regulated states.

Different but complementary functions of their
shared fantasies: engulfing (narcissist) vs. being engulfed (borderline).

Dual mothership in operation in both types of shared fantasy.

Approach-avoidance (borderline) vs. narcissist's attempted separation (devaluation and discard)

Hoovering for different reasons (introject constancy vs. object constancy).

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This is a summary of my shared fantasy-dual mothership framework for the narcissist’s intimate interpersonal relationships.

7 Stages of shared fantasy:

1. Co-Idealization (lovebombing, introject and narcissist all good because he owns object)

2. Dual mothership in a shared fantasy (recreation of childhood)

3. Need to reenact separation leads to mental discard which results in narcissistic injury (narcissist not omniscient, his judgment was wrong)

4. Devaluation of external object to restore grandiosity (make ego-congruent sense of the discard of an hitherto idealized object).

5. Devaluation of introject via splitting defense (introject now all-bad, narcissist grandiosely all-good)

6. Real life discard: projection of introject to you in an attempt to integrate it with external object. Projection-integration fails owing to abandonment anxiety triggered by introject inconstancy and your refusal to own split, all-bad introject. Devalued, split, all-bad introject remains as internal object, in narcissist's mind. This creates anxiety (bad object internalization-introjection)

7. The only way to reintegrate this internal object and reduce anxiety is by re-idealizing the external object and the corresponding introject. This is impossible if the narcissist has been mortified. He then departs from his previous version and reinvents himself which allows for self-idealization (grandiosity restored).

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SCIENCE, 31 Jul 2022
Dr. Sam Vaknin - the
global narcissist database
From Sunday Morning, 11:36 am on 31 July 2022

Dr Sam Vaknin is the author of one of the first in depth books about narcissism and has a large database on narcissists which is now used globally. Not only is he an expert on the disorder, he's a clinically diagnosed narcissist himself, so he's got some good insights to share, and to beware of. He's now a visiting professor of psychology as well, and the author of the book Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited. Dr Vaknin speaks to Jim.

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Hyposexuality or Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is a desire disorder in the DSM: no libido, little or no sex, and DISTRESS about it.

Libido: attraction, desire, action towards self or object.

Some asexuals are not attracted sexually to anyone, have no desire, and many of them are sexless, they don’t even masturbate. These asexuals have no libido.

Some asexuals masturbate. Others have periods of sexual activity. Some are repelled by sex. Asexuality is a spectrum.

The asexual orientation is lifelong or recurrent (intermittent).

Grey sexuality is between asexuality and sexuality. Example: demisexuals.

Asexual+distress=hyposexual

Ridiculous to say that there are no asexual narcissists.

All narcissists – somatic and cerebral – go through phases of asexuality in the wake of dysphoria (watch my video Narcissist’s 3 Depressions).

It is asexuality and not hyposexuality because the narcissist experiences no distress regarding his sexuality although he is depressed about deficient or absent narcissistic supply.

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The narcissist invests emotional energy (cathexis) only in internal objects (introjects), never in external objects like you. This is because he feels safe only with internal objects: they never abandon or reject him. The introjects and internal objects are not constellated (integrated), so the narcissist has no ego or self. Some of the internal objects constitute self-states.

In clinical terms: the narcissist has only
introject (diffuse narcissistic) libido, never object libido. He identifies with and cathects only his introjects, never a love object. He can never lose a love object.

If you challenge the narcissist's introjects or undermine them, you are threatening to take away his libido (his life force), thereby becoming his enemy (a persecutory internal object).

 

 

All narcissists interact with introjects (internal objects), never with the external objects which they represent. They all seek introject constancy.

Depending on the island of stability, some narcissists maintain long-term constancy of the introject related to the intimate partner.

These are the
“rocks” or the “special friends” in the borderline’s world.

The Borderline senses this long-term commitment to and investment in the introject and it is a source of object constancy to her, assuaging her separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety). It is also a fount of engulfment anxiety. This duality causes her to approach the narcissist and then avoid him.

She reactivates the narcissist’s introject from time to time in her approach-avoidance repetition compulsion.

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My new proposed diagnosis - covert borderline - combines elements of pathological narcissism with classical borderline’s.

Consequently, the covert borderline is subject to a greater range of anxieties than either of its constituents.

The covert borderline is capable of narcissistic injury and mortification and experiences the borderline’s push and pull (abandonment vs. engulfment).

The covert borderline’s narcissistic defenses serve him well, though. They fend off these tremors. They allow him to put on a facade of stability and imperturbability.

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Anxiety involves hyperarousal based on catastrophizing. Anxiety has many forms. Gut feelings, intuition, and hypervigilance are forms of anxiety.

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Narcissism is a surrealistic landscape. It is so removed from daily experience and what it is to be a human that it defies comprehension.

Convo with Trisha Goddard of TalkTV.

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All fantasies are psychological defenses against an unbearable reality. But what renders the world so intolerable? Its threatening nature.

Undergirding all fantasies is a master delusion: “I am fragile, at risk of losing my mind, falling apart at the seams, an ideal victim of people or circumstances, an unworthy or bad object, doomed to fail.”

What gives rise to such a self-negating and catastrophizing scenario of precarity?

Parental overprotectiveness or, its opposite, neglect. Both types of caregiving misconduct yield all-pervasive mistrust of life and of the very possibility of justice, patterned order, and stable structure.


Science and enlightenment were failed experiments. Now we are reverting to the Middle Ages: from the reality principle to fantasy.

Fantasy vs. Lies vs. Delusion vs. Confabulation.

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Whether a trait or behavior, mood, affect (emotion), or cognition are pathological or positively adaptive depends entirely on the context.

For example: to have been reactively depressed in Auschwitz would have been a normal reaction, a form of processing trauma.

There are periods in history and civilizations when and where narcissism and psychopathy were self-efficacious strategies: the USA and Nazi Germany, respectively.

Similarly, repetition compulsion could be both warranted and beneficial. Even the recurrence of bad things renders life more predictable and endows us with a sense of safety.

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There are two types of fantasy defense: person-centred and process-centred. This taxonomy is similar to substance-centred vs. process-centred addictions. The person at the center of a person-centred fantasy is akin to an addictive substance at the core of a substance-centred fantasy.

Fantasies are intended to provide safe spaces and outlets for aggressive and self-destructive impulses involved in the civil war between the need to be seen (grandiosity) and the internalized bad object (“I am inadequate, an impostor, and unworthy”). Dysregulation and identity disturbance are the outcomes of this inner strife.

When in touch with reality, these voices create coalitions which lead to adverse outcomes. For example: spectacular, public, and attention-grabbing self-destruction.

Fantasies which revolve around another person - common in intimate or interpersonal relationships - inevitably dissolve into reality and therefore mayhem.

Fantasies which are founded on a narrative or an impersonal process - self-aggrandizing or self-destructive as they may be - never do. They are self-contained and well regulated.

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30 minutes to takeoff in Hotel Grand Continental in Bucharest@richard.grannon and me, the beauty and the beast. Free entry.

 

Joint seminar with @richard.grannon in Bucharest. Richard took my concepts and created the most amazing set of practical guidelines and process flows! I was floored!

 

 

Mega interview with Richard Grannon @richard.grannon regarding the formation and lives of borderlines and narcissists.

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Gaslighting is far more effective when coupled with trauma because trauma is disorienting and induces self-doubt and self-recrimination.

Of course, gaslighting itself induces trauma and so a self-reinforcing vicious cycle ensues.

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For a while, I call him Theo (his brother’s name) to force him to adopt the perspective of a loving outsider. It also provokes him and riles him up and this reduces the efficacy of his defenses and resistances. "Estrangement" is a technique I use in Cold Therapy.

Vincent van Gogh has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):

Itinerancy, instability (professions, locations)
Grandiosity
Self-harm
Violent outbursts
OCD (painting)
Parasitic lifestyle
Dysfunctional relationships

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This is the trailer to an interview I granted to Newsweek. I will post the full interview next week: Ukraine: From Invasion to PTSD (Newsweek Interview TRAILER).

This is a part of a larger interview that will be published in a few days by Newsweek Romania.

You can find an article in Romanian about this here: https://newsweek.ro/

The journalist who did the interview, Remus Cernea, is a war correspondent in Ukraine.


This is the first part of a larger interview for Newsweek Romania.

You can find it translated into Romanian here:
https://newsweek.ro/international/


The second part of the interview will be published in a few days.

The journalist who did the interview is a war correspondent in Ukraine and you can follow his YouTube channel(mostly in Romanian) and his Twitter account here:
https://twitter.com/remus_cernea (mostly in English)

This is the trailer to an interview I granted to Newsweek:
https://www.youtube.com/vakninmusings


You can find an article in Romanian about this here:
https://newsweek.ro/international/

 

Interview regarding PTSD in Ukraine with Remus Cernea in the print edition of Newsweek. The full interview is available in 2 parts on my YouTube channel.

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There is a pragmatic - amoral - reason to never lie.

When we deceive, we cause people to interact with our deception, not with us or with reality.

We therefore keep getting the wrong, inaccurate information from others and we end up deceiving ourselves.

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The United States is in the throes of full-fledged mass psychosis. The stupid and demented have taken over. It is a terrifying thought.

A prestigious outlet has just rejected an article I submitted - at their prompting - as “unfit for publication”.

The reason? I refused to replace the words “students” and “pupils” with “scholars” (!) and I vehemently rejected the counterfactual demand to substitute “pregnant people” for “pregnant women”.

Breaking news:

Students are not scholars. A few of them become scholars by first being students. And only women can be pregnant.

I also mentioned that the Bible contains more raunchy sex scenes than most modern literature. That did not curry favor with my reviewers. They asked me repeatedly to remove this paragraph - an act known as censorship.

As far as free speech goes, the USA is on par now with China and Russia (a country I lived in for 6 years).

Another ominous story:

A UK medium asked me to submit an article on narcissism.

I WITHDREW it OFFICIALLY because they insisted on altering it.

They proceeded to publish it with the alteration (!) in which they essentially stated that we all develop pathological narcissism in early childhood.

The editor did not want to demonize narcissism because this would be a form of … ableism!

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Richard Grannon @richard.grannon leverages Sam Vaknin's synthesis the concepts of shared fantasy, dual mothership, entraining, self-states, and introjection to come up with the beginnings of a fix for narcissistic abuse.

 

Richard Grannon’s @richard.grannon amazing new course based partly on my new framework for understanding narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and borderline personality disorders:

https://www.richardgrannon.com/unplug-from-the-matrix-of-narcissism

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Many truths in psychology are counterintuitive. Three examples:

1. Success forces one to engage in reality. If one is prone to fantasy, one would engineer failures or undermine success at any cost. Fantasy is an alluring comfort zone and success tend to intrude and unravel it;

2. Devaluation is not the same as disenchantment (falling out of love). It involves splitting: rendering the devalued person all bad and persecutory, retroactively and prospectively. Disenchantment is the opposite of splitting and the antithesis of idealization: it involves integration of the bad and good aspects of the object (the other person);

3. Defiance (reactance) is not a form of boundary setting. On the contrary: it is about vitiating boundaries, one’s own and others’s.

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Jordan Peterson, the master of banalities and king of cliches, wearing his “I am the greatest genius ever and the most humungous revolution in human thinking has just occurred to me” says in an interview: “If you don’t speak what is truly on your mind, you are not giving voice to your unborn self”.

WTF is this nonsense supposed to mean? 5.3 million shares.

Sadhguru in a lecture in one of the most prestigious medical schools in the States: “Western medicine has still a long way to go. We in the East know, for example, that the milk from a woman’s left breast is not the same as milk from her right breast. That is why you should feed boys and girls from different breasts”.

3.7 million likes.

Slavoj Zizek, a truly towering intellect, gets an average of 1600 shares on 10 randomly sampled profound Facebook posts of his sayings. Every self-styled expert on YouTube gets way more.

Such is the decaying civilization we live in.

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Scientific theories invite constant criticism and revision. They yield new problems. They are proven erroneous and are replaced by new models which offer better explanations and a more profound sense of understanding - often by solving these new problems. From time to time, the successor theories constitute a break with everything known and done till then. These seismic convulsions are known as "paradigm shifts".

It is interesting to note that paradigm-shifting work is often produced by non-specialist outsiders, gifted amateurs, and laymen (such as Da Vinci, Steno, Mandel, Freud, and, to some extent, Einstein). As Thomas Kuhn noted, run of the mill scientists are vested and invested in the status quo and normally generate paradigm-sustaining theories and discoveries.

Contrary to widespread opinion - even among scientists - science is not only about "facts". It is not merely about quantifying, measuring, describing, classifying, and organizing "things" (entities). It is not even concerned with finding out the "truth". Science is about providing us with concepts, explanations, and predictions (collectively known as "theories") and thus endowing us with a sense of understanding of our world.

Scientific theories are allegorical or metaphoric. They revolve around symbols and theoretical constructs, concepts and substantive assumptions, axioms and hypotheses - most of which can never, even in principle, be computed, observed, quantified, measured, or correlated with the world "out there". By appealing to our imagination, scientific theories reveal what David Deutsch calls "the fabric of reality".

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EDITORIAL

The
Psychopathology of Fetishism and Body Integrity Dysphoria (BID)
Sam Vaknin*

Corresponding Author: Sam Vaknin, Visiting Professor of Psychology, Southern Federal University, Rostov-on-Don, Russia and Professor of Finance and Psychology in CIAPS (Centre for International Advanced and Professional Studies).

Received: March 16, 2022 ; Revised: March 21, 2022 ; Accepted: March 23, 2022

Citation: Vaknin S. (2022) The Psychopathology of Fetishism and Body Integrity Dysphoria (BID). J Psychol Psychiatr Res, 1(1): 1-4.

Copyrights: ©2022 Vaknin S. This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original author and source are credited.

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DAILY MAIL: “I'd rather be a narcissist than one of today's pathetic, self-pitying young women: Her ego knows no bounds but at least, says JULIE BURCHILL, she's proud of what she's achieved”.

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Both narcissists and borderlines alternate between fantasy and reality - but their fantasies are very different. The borderline's is object (person)-centred, the narcissist's is process (narrative)-centred. Moreover: the fantasies cater to the narcissist's and borderline's deepest psychological needs.

Richard Grannon's 
@richard.grannon YouTube channel.

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Second hand smoke is respiratory rape.

Ambient noise pollution is auditory rape.

The great unwashed are olfactory rape.

Unwanted touch and invasion of private space are tactile rape.

Not fully consensual sex is rape, pure and simple.

All forms of abuse constitute emotional rape.

And …

Stupidity is intellectual rape.

They should all be criminalized and penalized, the perpetrators relegated to penal colonies.

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Questions I have never been asked before on narcissists, psychopaths, empaths, victimhood, fantasies, singles, and love. With the British journalist Eve Tawfik.

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The stupid have always had opinions about everything under the sun. But they were wary of expressing them lest they be shamed, ridiculed, and shunned by their betters. This is no longer the case: the dumb are brazen and vociferous, drowning out, by the force of sheer numbers, all informed voices.

The ignorant and the retarded are the overwhelming majority. They trust their pitiable life experience over science. They adhere to magical thinking. And they are fierce in the defense of their grandiose, inflated, fantastic self-image as undiscovered geniuses (Dunning-Kruger effect).

Technology empowers mediocre failures and losers in their self-delusion of malignant egalitarianism.

Access to raw information is not the same as possession of structured knowledge. But the stupid can’t tell the difference: “I am as knowledgeable as my doctor or professor because I can google. My opinions, therefore, count as facts.”

Stupidity is on the rise for two reasons: 1. A reverse Flynn effect: there has been a precipitous decline in average IQ scores in the past 4 decades; and 2. Inanity is tolerated and legitimized thereby encouraging indolence, entitlement, and nescience (malignant tolerance).

 

The Stupid, the Trivial, and the Frivolous are everywhere: among the working classes, of course, but increasingly you can find them displacing the erstwhile elites, spawning hordes of mindless politicians, idiot business tycoons, narcissistic media personalities, gullible clergy, vacuous celebrities, illiterate bestselling authors, athletes with far more brawn than brain, repetitious pop singers, less than mediocre bureaucrats, bovine gatekeepers, and even ignorant and semi-literate academics.

Their cacophony drowns the few voices of wisdom, expertise, and experience and their sheer number overwhelms all systems of governance and all mechanisms of decision-making. Rather than futilely fight back this tsunami, the well-educated, the erudite, and the intelligent choose to withdraw and seclude themselves in self-constructed, schizoid ivory towers, all bridges drawn.

Imbeciles are a menace to the continued existence not only of our civilization, but also of our species. We may end up being all Homo, no sapiens.

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You should not deny yourself happiness just because it comes at a price. You should not fear life!

Life is about loss and suffering: the coinage with which we purchase bliss.

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Passive-aggressives are people pleasers who express negative affectivity (anger, sadness, resentment, annoyance, envy) dysfunctionally (by frustrating and obstructing others). Covert narcissists are focused on sustaining a grandiose, fantastic view of themselves - not on their negative affects (emotions).

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Vaccination or inoculation is the introduction of an enemy (bacterium or virus) into our bodies in order to get us to acquire new capacities and trigger in us new (immune) processes, thus rendering us stronger and improved.

The same idea drove cannibals to consume the internal organs of dead and captured enemy soldiers in order to acquire their traits and thus be rendered upgraded and superior.

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Is David Chalmers right? Are simulation and reality indistinguishable? Is our reality merely some alien's simulation?

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The Self is an invention of late 19th century German "scientists". It is a counterfactual construct. Self-states triggered by environmental cues - that's reality.

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How can you tell the stupid from the wise?

Stupid people question absolutely everything all the time either because they are insecure (even fearful) or because they are grandiose and know it all better.

The wise and intelligent discriminate between information that fits into structured knowledge and requires little or no questioning - and hypotheses which demand falsification.

Doubt is the engine of progress in all its forms: scientific, individual, and social.

But all-pervasive doubt retards growth and results in conspiratorial, schizotypal, paranoid, and esoteric mindsets, all of which are the hallmarks of the truly dumb.

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Narcissism is a critical phase in healthy development. However, if it persists into adulthood in its infantile form, it becomes a pathology and a dysfunction.

Full interview here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM13rJpigjM

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Are all forms of intelligence the same? Can we distinguish artificial intelligence from the human variety?

The other convos in this Cycle here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjSRuk5bdik&list=PLygJHHONRxjy9_-KnDaeDhLTuOm6RoYL_

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External regulation by the intimate partner: of emotions and moods (borderline), of needs (codependent), or of narcissistic supply (inverted narcissist, a subtype of covert narcissist).

Inverted narcissism may be the outcome of arrested narcissistic development: the formation of the False Self is disrupted and incomplete and the inverted narcissist is forced to resort to and depend upon the False Self of another narcissist (her partner) in order to regulate her sense of self-worth.

The Inverted Narcissist is a co-dependent who depends exclusively on narcissists (narcissist-co-dependent). If you are living with a narcissist, have a relationship with one, if you are married to one, if you are working with a narcissist, etc. – it does NOT mean that you are an inverted narcissist.

To "qualify" as an inverted narcissist, you must CRAVE to be in a relationship with a narcissist, regardless of any abuse inflicted on you by him/her. You must ACTIVELY seek relationships with narcissists and ONLY with narcissists, no matter what your (bitter and traumatic) past experience has been. You must feel EMPTY and UNHAPPY in relationships with ANY OTHER kind of person. Only then, and if you satisfy the other diagnostic criteria of a Dependent Personality Disorder, can you be safely labelled an "inverted narcissist".

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Three separations: infantile, adolescent, social

Impediments: dead mothers, strict parents, nanny states and institutions

Each separation leads to self-state. It could be a healthy, functional self-state or, once impeded, a pathological one.

Autonomous self-state (grandiose vs. insecure or fearful)

Peer self-state (defiant vs. conforming)

Social self-state (collaborative vs. avoidant)

Disrupted self-states:

Autonomous (borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, covert)

Peer (schizoid, avoidant, codependent or people pleaser)

Social (antisocial, asocial, ostentatiously and self-sacrificially prosocial)

 

Separation-individuation (from Mahler to Severino)


Erikson: autonomy, shame, and doubt


Kohut: selfobjects and problems with the Self

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Psychopathic (malignant or antisocial) narcissists are far less adept at acting and pretending. They are too grandiosely contemptuous of everyone to bother to fake empathy, compassion, and modesty (which run of the mill narcissists often do).

Their reactance (defiance) prevents them from fitting in, team work, or accommodating others. Even the need to secure narcissistic supply is not compelling enough to motivate them to act prosocially. They are never nice.

Consequently, they are far more likely to suffer disruptions in the flow of narcissistic supply and the ensuing dysphorias (depressions) that accompany such impediments.

Whenever the narcissist is depressed, he becomes asexual. He loses his sex drive altogether. Depression has an antilibidinal effect on the narcissist.

Inevitably, psychopathic narcissists end up spending a much bigger portion of their adult life sexless than any other type of narcissist.

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Here is one of the most narcissistic texts ever (from the “Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry):

“(To other roses) You're beautiful, but you're empty...One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together, since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass, since she's the one I sheltered behind the screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars (except the two or three butterflies). Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all. Since she's my rose.”

The rose (“MY rose”) is merely an inert object in a fantasy. The Little “Prince” doesn’t give a shit about the rose. He is attached to his INVESTMENT in the rose, to HIS memories of the rose. HIS, HIS, HIS. It is all about HIM. The rose is made special (idealized) BECAUSE OF HIM!

A typical narcissistic shared fantasy.

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I keep telling @mikekimcomedy Mike: Intimacy is terrifying: exposing all your vulnerabilities often ends in pain and loss. But it is the only way to accomplish the 4 pillars of self-love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vzBf9QvClo

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Narcissism is a critical phase in healthy development. However, if it persists into adulthood in its infantile form, it becomes a pathology and a dysfunction.

Full interview with 
@richard.grannon on my channel.

Richard Grannon's YouTube channel
https://www.youtube.com/c/RICHARDGRANON

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Donald W. Winnicott, the famous paediatrician turned psychoanalyst, suggested that abused and traumatized children dare not hope for love. To protect themselves against disappointment, they hate others ostentatiously and desire to be hated in return. It is their way of testing the waters: can these people or institutions hate the child without resorting to maltreatment and rejection?

Epictetus: Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them.

Albert Ellis, founder of REBT, precursors to CBT: experience causes no specific emotional reaction, the individual’s belief system produces the reaction.

Harry Stack Sullivan: people are products of their environment.

Boris Cyrulnik: trauma consists of the injury and the representation of the injury. Adult interpretations of events are the most damaging post-traumatic experience for children. Labels can be more damaging and damning than the experience.

Dorothy Rowe: when we are wrong, we self-blame and feel guilt, shame, helplessness.

Georg Hegel: consciousness of self depends on presence of the Other


Jean Paul Sartre: perception of the world, including of others, changes when another person appears, we absorb their concept of the Other into our own.

Jacques Lacan: the unconscious is the discourse of the Other.

Charles Horton Cooley’s looking glass self (way we view ourselves based on how we imagine that other people view us).

Heinz Kohut: when child’s needs are not met, a fragmented self emerges, consisting of the narcissistic self and the grandiose self.

Eric Berne: lifelong child, adult, parental ego states.

Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt therapy: sense of reality created through perception, the ways we view our experiences, not the events themselves.

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This is the second part of a larger interview for Newsweek Romania.

The first part is here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vWXwK7Ot3I


The journalist who did the interview is a war correspondent in Ukraine and you can follow his YouTube channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/c/RemusCerneaOfficial/featured  (mostly in Romanian) and his Twitter account here: https://twitter.com/remus_cernea  (mostly in English)

This is the trailer to an interview I granted to Newsweek:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaoPY70a0FA


You can find the translation into Romanian here:

https://newsweek.ro/international/video-psiholog-daca-nu-tratam-traumele-razboiului-exista-riscul-sa-avem-sute-de-mii-de-sinucideri


https://newsweek.ro/international/video-psiholog-israelian-probabil-ca-25-dintre-ucraineni-vor-suferi-efecte-posttraumatice


https://newsweek.ro/international/psiholog-israelian-razboiul-din-ucraina-este-o-parabola-a-unei-interpretari-inguste-a-istoriei

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What kind of mother would deny her son a meaningful, fulfilling life until he is too old to have one?

What kind of mother would do her utmost to wreck any relationship her son has ever tried to have, thus denying him happiness?

What kind of mother would distrust her offspring with even the most basic tasks and decisions?

An awful, horrible, and now literally
dead mother (apropos Andre Green’s phrase, coined in 1978).

She had a profound sense of duty and the belief that life and other people should be totally subordinated to it.

A good therapist could have helped her with this psychopathic psychopathology.

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Freedom of Will: Illusion or Reality? (News Intervention) https://www.newsintervention.com/freedom-of-will-illusion-or-reality/


Free will exists the same way Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes most definitely exist. It is real. It is a force to reckon with. It shapes our minds and lives. It exerts a huge influence on multiple spheres. What more do we need to know?

Free will is a useful fiction, akin to god or the afterlife: only agents with free will can be held morally responsible.

Free will comprises three conditions:

1. The ability to choose and act otherwise;
2. Having control over one’s choices and actions;
3. That the choice or act are rationally motivated.

The very concept of free will is founded on convenient delusions such as time or causation. Whereas teleology is prohibited in all sciences (we do not attribute purposeful actions to objects and animals, for example), it mysteriously permeates philosophy and more specifically the field of ethics.

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The narcissist is focused on YOU - not on himself. He makes you fall in love with YOUR idealized image through his relentless, invasive gaze.
With 
@richard.grannon

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The Borderline outsources to her intimate partner the regulation of her affects (emotions) and moods - even her cognitions (thoughts) and ego functions (such as reality testing and sense of self-worth).

This helps her to sustain the fantasy that she is perfect (buttress her grandiose False Self): stable, regulated, happy, functional.

With 
@richard.grannon

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All autosexuals (Erotic Target Identity Inversions) are autoerotic, but only a minority of autoerotics are autosexual. Autoerotism more frequently finds expression via activities such as same-sex partnerships (homosexuality), or incest (which is sex with the living expression of one’s own genetic makeup). Gender dysphoria, transvestism, autogynephilia, autopedophilia, and similar paraphilias are all autoerotic.

REFERENCES

1. Erotic Target Identity Inversions Among Men and Women in an Internet Sample
Ashley Brown , Edward D Barker , Qazi Rahman

J Sex Med. 2020 Jan;17(1):99-110.

DOI: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.10.018

2. Autogynephilia: an underappreciated paraphilia
Anne A Lawrence

Adv Psychosom Med 2011;31:135-48.
doi: 10.1159/000328921

3. Erotic target location errors: an underappreciated paraphilic dimension
Anne A Lawrence

J Sex Res, 2009 Mar-Jun;46(2-3):194-215.
doi: 10.1080/00224490902747727.

4. Clinical observations and systematic studies of autogynephilia
R Blanchard

J Sex Marital Ther, 1991 Winter;17(4):235-51.
doi: 10.1080/00926239108404348.

5. Early history of the concept of autogynephilia
Ray Blanchard

Arch Sex Behav, 2005 Aug;34(4):439-46.
doi: 10.1007/s10508-005-4343-8.

6. Autopedophilia
Kevin J Hsu , J Michael Bailey

Psychological Science, November 29, 2016
DOI: 10.1177/0956797616677082

7. Autoerotism
The Freud Encyclopedia: Theory, Therapy, and Culture 1st Edition
by Edward Erwin (Editor), Routledge, 2001

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Never heard before tips on how to break up with a toxic partner (especially a narcissist) - from the horse's mouth!

Interview for Heartbreak to Happiness Podcast with host Sara Davison 
@saradavisondivorcecoach and Guest Sam Vaknin.

If you would like support for coping with any of the issues raised do visit www.sara davison.com for our online support groups and coaching.

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You are invited to attend a FREE 7-days seminar on Cold Therapy between September 19-25, 2022 in Drobeta-Turnu Severin, the fairytale city in Romania, including 2 days for Questions and Answers and additional material.

Cold therapy has come a long way in the past 6 years and is now a treatment modality for major depression as well as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). More about it:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq77.html

 

First day of 7 days of the FREE Cold Therapy seminar in Drobeta Turnu Severin, Romania lasted 4 hours rather than 2 because people had so many questions and I couldn’t resist the narcissistic supply 


Sam and the Introjects: Group photo with some of the participants of the seminar, the loveliest, liveliest audience I have ever had.

 

Snippets from the Cold Therapy seminar. Courtesy @steckerl_fisch

 

Another angle

 

Back from the seminar in Romania and on to Budapest (October 20-23) via Vienna (October 10).

Available for personal, face to face counselling in both locations on these dates.

So what does any of this have to do with the playful canines in Drobeta Turnu Severin?

Nothing whatsoever.

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Some victims of narcissistic abuse don’t want your help, resent you for offering it, the shared fantasy is their refuge, too. They dread loneliness.

BPD God fantasy: I am the perfect intimate partner, beautiful, irresistible, fascinating.

There are six common fallacies of victims of abuse:

1. His abuse is actually a sign of love and commitment

2. HE DEFINES WHO I AM (HE MADE ME)

3. I AM LUCKY

I am worthless, damaged goods. I am lucky to have found even my abuser. If I leave the relationship, who else would want me and where will I find another partner?

4. THE BEST OF ALL WORLDS

Life is harsh and it doesn't get much better than this. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but that is merely as an optical illusion. This is as good as it gets.

5. MY PARTNER IS NOT WORSE THAN OTHERS

Every other partner I may find will have flaws and quirks that I will have to get used to and accommodate all over again. Better stick with what I know. No one guarantees that my next partner will not be even worse than this.

6. HAPPINESS? BAH!

Life is a serious business. It is not about the selfish pursuit of elusive "happiness". It is about meeting your obligations and getting on with it. At best one can expect companionship and mutual support in old age. Anything more than that is self-defeating and destructive wishful thinking.

 

 

 

 

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