Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List - Part 53
Narcissism, Pathological Narcissism, The Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), the Narcissist,
and Relationships with Abusive Narcissists and Psychopaths
Listowner: Dr. Sam Vaknin
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1. Interview granted to the National Post, Canada
Q: How would you define a
narcissist? I read in the web site material a quote: "A narcissist is a
drug addict whose drug is attention." Very interesting. True?
A: A narcissist is someone who suffers from pathological
narcissism - a life-long pattern of traits and behaviors which signify
infatuation and obsession with one's self to the exclusion of all others and
the egotistic and ruthless pursuit of one's gratification, dominance and
ambition.
As
distinct from healthy narcissism which we all possess, pathological narcissism
is maladaptive, rigid, persisting, and causes significant distress, and
functional impairment.
Q: What are some of the traits of a narcissist? Someone who feels
self-important, superior, entitled, needs to be recognized constantly?
A: The Diagnostic and statistical Manual (DSM-IV-TR), the
profession's bible, defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as "an
all-pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for
admiration or adulation and lack of empathy, usually beginning by early
adulthood and present in various contexts", such as family life and work.
The DSM specifies nine diagnostic criteria. Five (or more) of these criteria must
be met for a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to be
rendered.
- Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements);
- Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion;
- Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions);
- Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation – or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (Narcissistic Supply);
- Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favorable priority treatment;
- Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends;
- Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others;
- Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly;
- Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, "above the law", and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy.
Q: How does the narcissist's
behavior present itself at work? Will he lie and think he can get away with it?
Will he exaggerate his accomplishments and minimize others' ? Will he
constantly need recognition for completing tasks?
A: To a narcissist other people, bosses, underlings,
co-workers, are Sources of Narcissistic Supply. Their role is to adore the
narcissist, admire him, agree with him, provide him with adulation, attention
and approval, and, generally, serve as an audience to him.
The
narcissist is not interested in anything but the simplest function of
mirroring. When the mirror acquires a personality and a life of its own, the
narcissist is incensed. Independent minded employees might be in danger of
being sacked by a narcissistic employer (an act which demonstrates the
employer's omnipotence). Narcissists frequently bully others in the workplace
in order to buttress their own inflated and grandiose self-image.
Trying to befriend the narcissist is doomed to fail. Friendship is possible only
among equals. Such presumption of equality injures the narcissist and provokes
him to rage. This haughty superiority also precludes teamwork.
The narcissist's grandiosity is so tenuous and rests on such fragile
foundations, that any hint of equality, disagreement or need (any intimation
that the narcissist "needs" friends or help, for instance) threatens
the narcissist profoundly. The narcissist is exceedingly insecure. It is easy
to destabilize his impromptu "personality". His reactions are merely
in self-defence. Hence his constant demands to be recognized as superior,
accomplished, and talented, usually without the commensurate achievements to
warrant such acclaim.
The narcissist is notorious for his low threshold of resistance to boredom. His
behavior is impulsive and his biography tumultuous precisely because of his
drive to introduce uncertainty and risk to what he regards as
"stagnation" or "slow death" (i.e., routine). Most
interactions in the workplace are part of the rut - and thus constitute a
reminder of this routine - deflating the narcissist's grandiose fantasies.
Narcissists do many unnecessary, wrong and even dangerous things in pursuit of
the stabilization of their inflated self-image.
Narcissists feel suffocated by intimacy, or by the constant reminders of the
REAL, nitty-gritty world out there. It reduces them, makes them realize the
Grandiosity Gap between their fantasies and reality. It is a threat to the
precarious balance of their personality structures ("false" and invented)
and treated by them as a menace. They are, therefore, unreliable,
unpredictable, capricious, "drama queens", and lack perseverance and
attention to detail.
(continued below)
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Narcissists forever shift the blame, pass the buck, and engage in cognitive
dissonance. They "pathologize" the other, foster feelings of guilt
and shame in her, demean, debase and humiliate in order to preserve their sense
of superiority.
Narcissists are pathological liars. They think nothing of it because their very
self is false, their own confabulation.
Q: True 75 percent of all narcissists are men? Why?
A: According to the DSM IV-TR, most narcissists (50-75%,
according to the DSM-IV-TR) are men.
In certain situations, such as under constant public scrutiny and exposure, a transient and reactive form of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has been observed by Robert Milman and labeled "Acquired Situational Narcissism".
Men
are more susceptible to pathological narcissism because of the narcissistic
foundations of our patriarchal civilization. We hold narcissistic
"male" traits (such as ambitiousness, individualism, and competitiveness)
in high esteem and regard them as desirable.
Q: Narcissists can be high achievers, yes?
A: Narcissists are obsessed by delusions of fantastic grandeur
and superiority. As a result they are very competitive. They are strongly
compelled - where others are merely motivated. They are driven, relentless,
tireless, and ruthless. They often make it to the top. But even when they do
not - they strive and fight and learn and climb and create and think and devise
and design and conspire. Faced with a challenge - they are likely to do better
than non-narcissists.
Yet, we often find that narcissists abandon their efforts in mid-stream, give
up, vanish, lose interest, devalue former pursuits, fail, or slump. Why is
that? Narcissists are prone to self-defeating and self-destructive behaviors.
Can the narcissist be harnessed? Can his energies be channeled productively?
This would be a deeply flawed – and even dangerous – "advice". Various management gurus purport to teach us how to harness this force of nature known as malignant or pathological narcissism. Narcissists are driven, visionary, ambitious, exciting and productive, says Michael Maccoby, for instance. To ignore such a resource is a criminal waste. All we need to do is learn how to "handle" them.
Yet, this prescription is either naive or disingenuous. Narcissists cannot be "handled", or "managed", or "contained", or "channeled". They are, by definition, incapable of team work. They lack empathy, are exploitative, envious, haughty and feel entitled, even if such a feeling is commensurate only with their grandiose fantasies and when their accomplishments are meager.
Narcissists dissemble, conspire, destroy and
self-destruct. Their drive is compulsive, their vision rarely grounded in
reality, their human relations a calamity. In the long run, there is no
enduring benefit to dancing with narcissists – only ephemeral and, often,
fallacious, "achievements".
Q: Can you be "cured" of narcissism? or at least learn to
manage it?
A: The Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a systemic,
all-pervasive condition, very much like pregnancy: either you have it or you
don't. Once you have it, you have it day and night, it is an inseparable part
of the personality, a recurrent set of behavior patterns.
Being a narcissist is akin to being an alcoholic but much more so. Alcoholism
is an impulsive behavior. Narcissists exhibit dozens of similarly reckless
behaviors, some of them uncontrollable (like their rage, the outcome of their
wounded grandiosity). Narcissism is not a vocation. Narcissism resembles
depression or other disorders and cannot be changed at will.
Adult pathological narcissism is no more "curable" than the entirety
of one's personality is disposable. The patient is a narcissist. Narcissism is
more akin to the color of one's skin rather than to one's choice of subjects at
the university.
Moreover, the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is frequently diagnosed
with other, even more intractable personality disorders, mental illnesses, and
substance abuse.
The common treatment for patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is talk therapy (mainly psychodynamic psychotherapy or cognitive-behavioural treatment modalities). Talk therapy is used to modify the narcissist's antisocial, interpersonally exploitative, and dysfunctional behaviours, often with some success. Medication is prescribed to control and ameliorate attendant conditions such as mood disorders or obsessive-compulsive disorders.
The prognosis for an adult suffering from the
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is poor, though his adaptation to life
and to others can improve with treatment.
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Lasch - The Cultural Narcissist
Excerpts from Archives of the Narcissism List
Narcissism Frequently Asked Questions
The Iron Mask - The Common Sources of Personality Disorders
Internet: A Medium or a Message?
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